The UK Just Outlawed Having Sex in Your Home With Anyone You Don't Live With

The Mirror - Sex in your house with someone from outside of your household is set to become illegal today.

The government is introducing new lockdown measures in England that prevent people from socialising (or gathering) with one person from outside of their household in a private space.

Up until now the person visiting a house for sex would have been the one in breach of the measures.

But now both people would technically be able to be prosecuted under the law, with Amendment Regulations being introduced in Parliament on Monday.

For those couples looking for a workaround, having sex in a public place is already illegal.

Downing Street today insisted police would show "discretion" and "common sense". ...

However, the new legislation explicitly bans being inside the house in a gathering of more than one person without a reasonable excuse.

People who may be deemed to have a reasonable excuse are sports professionals, people attending funerals, vulnerable persons fleeing a risk of violence, carers and those with unavoidable work commitments. ...

Meanwhile athletes are able to stay in a different location to their own residence if they are training for a competition - and this applies to an elite athlete, a coach and parent.

In his 1947 novel "The Plague," celebrated French existentialist Albert Camus says, "There have been as many plagues in history as there have been wars, yet always plagues and wars take people equally by surprise." 

That work has always been considered an absurdist masterpiece. A first person account of a fictional cholera outbreak in Oran, France, it works on several levels. It's a reflection on the delicate nature of the human condition, our futile desire to control our own fates, an allegory of the Nazi occupation of France and a parody of the ridiculousness of the social institutions we create and then allow to control us. 

Camus satirical asburdism in the aftermath of two devastating World Wars has nothing on our reality. 

America is broken, probably beyond repair. I get that. And ordinarily I'd be laying into the British government with all the rhetoric I can muster. But right now I don't have the fight in me. The city were I was born was in flames last night. Protesters - peaceful and otherwise - gathered in tight groups of thousands, but there's a line of masked customers patiently waiting to be told they can go into your local Home Depot. Boston business owners get threatened with arrest if they open their stores, but looters were opening their stores for them. Massholes embrace the restrictions on things like no sit-down restaurant service (even outdoor dining), while flocking en masse to places that are open in Rhode Island and New Hampshire. We've got last night's arsonists walking the streets today, but they can't go hit a bucket of balls because the driving ranges are still closed for Covid safety reasons. It's abductio ad absurdum, life reduced to the absurdest possible scenario. 

So I'm in no position to hurl stones at the British. All they're doing is controlling your sex life and limiting you to one visitor at a time while making exceptions for pro athletes and funeral guests and people who have "unavoidable work commitments" while preaching ... discretion and common sense. And why not? I mean, nothing says "discretion and common sense" to me like telling people they can't visit each other for a bit of the ol' grungey tumble or making a married couple take turns going over their friends house, but then saying it's OK as long as you're a soccer player or a cricketer. 

And in case it's not surreal enough, this epidemic is now into its fourth month. And the architect of all these restrictions on both sides of the Atlantic is famous for two things: Being way off on all his predictions about diseases, and violating the quarantine he designed in order to ... you guessed it ... have sex with his married, polyamorous girlfriend. 

So sure. Why not? Why start easing up and trusting your own citizens to use common sense when the people in charge themselves know they can't be trusted to use common sense? Outlaw sex. Limit gatherings to one person. Ban all social contact. Make it all permanent. It can't be any more insane than what we're doing over here. 

Something else Camus writes is, “What’s true of all the evils in the world is true of plague as well. It helps men to rise above themselves.” I wish I still believed that's true.