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Men Hired to Help a Guy with His 'Broom Fetish' Break Into the Wrong House. Bonus: With Machetes

Source - In a sex fantasy gone wrong, two men with machetes entered the wrong house in New South Wales, Australia, before quickly realising their error.  ...

They had been hired to carry out a client's fantasy of being tied up in his underwear and stroked with a broom.

The judge concluded that "the facts of the case are unusual". 

The role play was arranged over Facebook by a man near Griffith, New South Wales, who provided his address to the hired pair.

"He was willing to pay A$5,000 if it was 'really good'," the judge said.

However, the client moved to another address 50km (30 miles) away without updating the two men. They then entered a home on the street of the original address.

When the resident noticed a light on in his kitchen at 06:15, he assumed it was a friend who came by daily to make morning coffee. 

When the men called out the name of their client, the resident turned on the light and removed a sleep apnoea mask he was wearing. ...

When they realised their error, one of the pair said, "Sorry, mate", and shook the resident's hand, according to local reports. 

The two men then drove to the correct address, where the client noticed one man had a "great big knife" in his trousers and asked them to leave the weapons in their car.

The client then cooked bacon, eggs and noodles, and a short time later, the police arrived at the property, found the machetes in the car and arrested the hired pair.

The judge ruled that evidence did not suggest the men's actions were intentional.

I doubt U.S. law allows us to appoint a foreign judge to the Supreme Court, which is a shame because this Aussie would be the next great jurist in any country where he sits on the bench. 

This is exactly the right decision to make, rendered with wisdom of Solomon. It's all a wacky understanding. The sort of thing that could happen to anybody. Just the kind of wacky hijinks that could've been the B Story on an episode of "Seinfeld." Kramer has a buddy who'll pay him to break into his house and tickle him with a broom. Jerry of course wants no part of it, but Newman says yes, provided he gets half the money and they stop at that bakery he really likes that makes the best Bear Claws. But the client moved and forgot to tell Kramer so they appear in a stranger's kitchen holding machetes at 6:15 and hilarity ensues. And at the end it dovetails with the C Story about George having a sexual attraction to the way his cleaning lady sweeps or something. And in the post-credits, Jerry does a stand up bit about the word "machete." The end. 

The important things are that no one got hurt. The guy with the sleep apnea machine got a sincere "Sorry, mate" and a handshake. Which is all anyone can ask, really. The machete guys got a hearty breakfast. Possibly broom guy got his fetish needs met. One would hope, anyway. They all got a good laugh out of it. And hopefully the next time people get involved in a transaction involving staged break-ins and rubbing underpants with a broom, they'll be more careful to triple check the address. 

Oh, and don't judge the guy who started all this. Ye who has never harbored a sexual fetish for being tickled with brooms, let him cast the first stone. Broom fetishism is all around us. The raw, animal magnetism of Bert the Chimney Sweep in "Mary Poppins."The anthromorphic hotness of the brooms carrying buckets of water in "Fantasia." The sensuousness of Olympic curling. The fierce athleticism of Victor Krum at the Quidditch World Cup in "Goblet of Fire." Freud himself would read this story and declare there is nothing at all wrong with a guy spending five grand on a little simulated broom sex.