City Of Champions: A Massive Post-Pandemic Orgy Is Going Down In Philly To Break Everybody's Dry Spell

The Declaration of Independence. The Eagles beating the Patriots in Super Bowl LII. And now the Post Pandemic Pan-Philadelphia Orgy. 

All 3 of the most monumental and historical moments in American history. All 3 events proving once and for all that Philadelphia is not only the greatest city in America, but the greatest city in the world. 

Nobody in the world is fucking right now, and they haven't been fucking for months. Well, couples who live together are still going to PoundTown but nobody is adding to their body count. The entire world is stuck in a dry spell. And sure, it's not because of your own doing but the fact remains the same. Your body count today is the same as it was months ago and you've been stuck being the master of your own domain for weeks on end. 

So what did the city of Philadelphia go out there and do? What did the City of Brotherly Love provide to the world?

A chance for everybody to get all the suckin' and fuckin' they want immediately once the restrictions are lifted. The city of Philadelphia is going to restore what it means to be an American with a good old fashion orgy. 

And even if you're some dickless virgin, it will still be the social event of the millennium which you'd never want to miss. Every good orgy needs a couple of weirdos in the corner just watching. You don't want to be the guy 50 years from now who can't tell your grandchildren about the Great Orgy of 2020. Plus they'll be serving refreshments. I'd imagine those will be some City Wide Specials, maybe a batch of soft pretzels bought from somebody under the bridge, and depending on how hot and sticky it gets in there I wouldn't be opposed to serving some water ice. 

I'm trying to think of one logical reason why you wouldn't want to show up to a massive orgy in Philadelphia immediately after comes out of the biggest global pandemics we've seen in a century. And I hate to break it to ya but I can't think of a single one. Do Attend. See ya there. 

@JordieBarstool