Summer Is Here, So Let’s Rank The Best Types Of Bodies

Of water, of course.

So I ruffled some feathers around midnight last night when I decided to tweet this:

I would be lying to you all if I said I did extensive research or brainstorming before Tweeting this. I didn't. I was simply reflecting on the fact that I am visiting my parents who live near a lake, and thinking about other bodies of water. I then took the logical next step anyone would, and googled "types of bodies of water" and found a Wikipedia page listing all of them. I was shocked to discover there are a whopping 78 different types! Who would've known. I simply did not have the time or energy to rank all 78 types last night. I had to get some sleep to put in another hard day of work here at the blog factory. But today? Today is a different story. Today I have the time.

The creek people were very mad last night, and for good reason. It must stink to be a creek guy and not have them even come close to my top 6. I would be crestfallen. 

The lake people were also upset. They accused me of not knowing many lakes are natural, not manmade. 

So, the list that absolutely everyone has been waiting their whole lives for: All 78 types of bodies of water listed on wikipedia, ranked. I will be sticking with my original top 6, and continuing on from there:

1. Oceans (Best beaches, essential to travel and transport, boogie boarding, I need not continue)

2. Rivers (Excellent for tubing, includes lazy rivers which are elite)

3. Streams (Sleep sound I use on my noise machine, babbling, clear and nice to look at)

4. Lakes (Some are great, some are very gross, Ozark is a good show)

5. Swamps (Filled with mysterious creatures, have weird film though)

6. Puddles (Fun to jump in as a child, annoying to have to deal with as an adult)

7. Channels (Big accomplishment for swimmers, just sounds important)

8. Brooks (Babbling again, classy name, also can be a human name, versatility)

9. Reservoirs (Dogs - great film, important for drainage) 

10. Straits (Important for connecting more important bodies of water)

11. Bayous (Fun word to spell, slow moving, low stress)

12. Estuaries (Connects to seas, semi-enclosed - privacy is good)

13. Fjords (Come on, look at the word, it is great)

14. Creeks (Only cracked the top 15 so people would stop complaining)

15. Artificial Lake (Basically reservoirs but less cool name, still important) 

16. Harbors (Important for shipping. Topic of discussion in many shanties) 

17. Gulfs (Part of oceans)

18. Lagoons (Sounds fancy, Blue Lagoon is a fine film)

19. Billabongs (Learned this wasn't a made up word today)

20. Kills (Aggressive, has edge, frightening)

21. Sea Lochs (Contains monsters)

22. Regular Lochs (Doesn't contain monsters)

23. Inlets (There is an "Inlet Deli" in LBI that is delicious)

24. Ponds (Rich people have their own, which is kind of badass)

25. Seas (Just a poor man's ocean, but still pretty good)

26. Sounds (Smaller than a sea, larger than a fjord, meant for the 25 spot)

27. Springs (Provide drinking water which is pretty important)

28. Tide Pools (Also learned these were real naturally occurring things today, thought it was just a waterpark thing)

29. Wetlands (Was forced to go in one of these in high school, ruined a pair of my sneakers)

30. Glaciers (Melting and ruining the environment, selfish)

31. Boils (Gross)

32. Deltas (Good airline, mediocre body of water)

33. Tidal Creeks (Like creeks but kind of more badass, should be ranked higher)

34. Coves (Mysterious, but dangerous)

35. Distributary (Rogue stream, doesn't comply, risky)

36. Canals (Panama canal important, the rest of canals, don't care)

37. Licks (Thought was slang until today)

38. Moats (Thought would be much more common as a child, never seen one, don't think they are real)

39. Tributaries (Necessary, but helps out lakes, which kind of stink)

40. Kettles (Important for drinking tea, more of a coffee guy myself)

41. Bights (Must be spelled wrong, doesn't look right)

42. Arroyos (Bronson?)

43. Marshes (Sound gross, I imagine myself sinking into it, not appealing)

44. Pools (Pee, chlorine, hard to maintain, expensive, I'm too poor to have one)

45. Runs (Running sucks)

46. Sources (Chris Broussard?)

47. Tarns (Come from glaciers melting, essentially profiting off of global warming)

48. Washes (I can wash myself just fine without your help thank you)

49. Salt Marshes (Marshes stink, plus salt? Gross)

50. Seeps (Gross word)

51. Sea Loughs (See 52)

52. Sloughs (Are these just the words from 51 combined?)

53. Mangrove Swamps (Sounds like Mandrakes from Harry Potter, those things STUNK)

54. Mill Ponds (Read a book once about a guy whose shirt got caught on a mill and drowned)

55. Gills (The smallest brook, not important)

56. Firths (Colin?)

57. Oxbow Lakes (Honestly meant to list this earlier because it is a cool name, but here we are)

58. Mediterranean Sea (Why is this even on this list?)

59. Impoundments (Makes me think of losing my car in GTA)

60. Phytotelma (Inside a plant. Weak)

61. Rills (Just worst brooks and streams)

62. Vernal Pools (Just sounds gross and medical, sorry vernal pools)

63. Brooklets (An even smaller brook, which are already small)

64. Bays (Often see news stories about bays filling up with sewage)

65. Drainage Basin (Basically sewers)

66. Becks (Good band, bad body of water)

67. Rivulets (Just a terrible, worse version of a river. Gives rivers a bad name)

68. Wadis (Result of floods, which are bad)

69. Draws (Basically wadis, which are bad)

70. Meres (Chode lakes)

71. Burns (An even smaller brook than a brooklet, why even name these dumb things)

72. Bourns (Oh my god it's Jason)

73. Streamlet (Small stream, please god whoever is in charge stop giving them different names)

74. Subglacial lake (Can't even see it because it is under ice. Simply just rumors)

75. Barachois (Honestly very cool name. Also has something to do with sandbars. But, sounds French and I frankly do not trust it because of that)

76. Arm of the Sea (Scary sounding, unnecessarily dramatic)

77. Roadstead (Only accessible to ships. I do not have a ship, so these are dead to me)

78. Potholes (Really? Why is this on the list. Garbage, dumb, pointless, idiot)

There it is. I hope you all enjoyed. Sound off in the comments if you agree! Or don't! Bodies of water, baby!