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We Must All Pray To The Hockey Gods That Home Dressers Do Not Take Over During This Time Of Uncertainty

Okay so first of all--would it be great if nobody used their phone while driving? Of course it would. But does everybody do it? Of course they do. This wasn't excessive. It's not like he was recording a video of himself singing into the camera and super focused on watching the recording rather than the road. And the road looked pretty clear. So anyone who is "outraged" over Jake Virtanen posting this video for being a distracted driver can take a hike because I guarantee somewhere on your camera roll you have a similar video. 

Now if you'd like to be outraged at Jake Virtanen for promoting and supporting home dressers? Well then by all means, let him have it. Because I will NOT be living in a world where home dressing becomes acceptable anytime over the age of 6 or 7. 

It's one of the things that I fear the most during this time of uncertainty. Nobody knows how to act at the moment. Nobody knows the safest way to go about living a normal life again. But if people start dressing at home for their hockey games because they're afraid of going into the locker rooms, well then all hope for humanity is lost. 


The locker room is one of the most sacred gatherings in human existence. Without the locker room, human civilization would have came crumbling down to pieces centuries ago. It means everything to the fabric of our society. And home dressers seek to destroy that. Dressing at home is selfish, it is reckless, and it's a slap in the face to all who have come before you. 

Without the locker room, team sports as we know them would cease to be. Because as a late great philosopher once said, you never truly know a man until you've seen his dick. You want to know whose dick is not out in the locker room? Fucking home dressers. And how are you supposed to be teammates with a guy who you don't actually know? How are you going to battle alongside that coward for an entire season when he might as well be a stranger to you? You can't. Teams simply could never exist under those circumstances. And that will be our fate if we don't put an end to home dressers once and for all. Sorry, Jake Virtanen, but you are cancelled.