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What's Emily Ratajkowski's Secret For Perfect Skin? Snail Slime Of Course ***Bonus Snail Facts Included In Blog***

So I stumbled upon this article this morning that said Emily Ratajkowski uses snail slime products on her face because it went to shit or something during quarantine. I kinda believe her because we've all gone to shit during quarantine but at the same time I don't because her face cashes checks and I don't think she'd let that happen. Here's the article:


The model recently took to Instagram to share the products keeping her skin in check during lockdown and claimed the COSRX Advanced Snail 96 Mucin Power Essence - among other products such as retinol - had returned her skin to its former glory.

'So my skin freaked out at the beginning of quarantine, but now I'm using Dr Loretta cleanser, this amazing snail product – yes snail – then I put a retinol on,' she said when asked by a fan for details of her skincare routine. 

It then gots me to thinking: snails are weird af. Not sure I've ever stumbled upon one in the wild but they're kinda creepy solely based on the fact that they exist. So I did a little digging on the life of a snail on youtube:

So, Emily, you're telling me a bunch of snail slime can help aid in the creation of a picture perfect complexion? Idk Emily I just watched this entire 6 minute video on snail facts and not once did it say spreading that shit on your face will cleanse one's pores or pop zits. But here are some fun snail facts for the late person:

1. Snails are members of the mollusk and gastropod family. Same family as slugs
2. Snails are slow af and often don't make it more than a few meters from the place they were born
3. Snails have 4 tentacles. Two for feeling around, two of them are eyes. Kinda reminds me of the dude from Real Monsters that held his eyeballs with his hands and had hairy armpits

4. Snails are commonly found in gardens, parks, and feed on decaying plants
5. When the weather is too dry snails will recede into their shells and seal off the entrance. They can survive like this for months without food or water
6. Snails can have 14,000+ teeth they use to eat plants and algae
7. Snails are hermaphrodites but can't fuck themselves. They need to fuck other snails to reproduce
8. Garden snails are rich people food and cooked as a delicacy called "escargot" which is referred to in Biggy Smalls' song "Hypnotize" 

I can fill ya wit real millionaire shit, escargot, my cargo, one sixty, swiftly

9. Most snails move about 23"/ hour
10. The largest snails can get up to 30" long and weigh almost 40 pounds
11. Snails are commonly used in jokes. My favorite: 

A man goes to a Halloween party with a woman on his back. The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The man says, “I’m a snail."
The host says, "And who's that on your back?"

And the man says, "That's Michelle!"

And that was talking snails. Riveting information I bet you didn't know you needed on a Wednesday morning. But back to Emily: I'm not buying what she's selling. I mean that very literally because I just do what Happy Gilmore's caddy does and use shampoo and my finger tips to wash my face while in the shower and don't anticipate ever buying snail cum to wash my face, but nevertheless whatever she's doing seems to be working just fine.


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