Jose Canseco Is Obsessed With Accessing Your 'Dreamlife', Might Be Going Legitimately Insane

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Jose ... are you doing alright?

What in the actual hell is this guy talking about? I'm not quite sure of all the intricacies involved in "dreamlife," but it sounds an awful lot like just thinking. I'm controlling my dreams right now. It's apparently very important to Jose Canseco that he be able to think for the hours he's asleep every night, as well.

While this obviously has no merit whatsoever, I genuinely want to be the only person enrolled in this six-week course and receive my "master's degree" in dreamlife — what a great deal that you get to skip the bachelor's altogether. I'm really excited about the doors this could open for me. The induced coma would take some convincing, but to enter my controlled dreamlife, I guess I have to do what I have to do.

I guess all those 'roids are finally catching up to Jose. I hope he's able to achieve the dreamlife state he so seeks and that it allows him to do everything he thinks it will. I might contact Morgan to see if Jose will actually be in these classes, because if it's just him and me, that could be amazing enough to warrant doing it.

Ironically enough, this odd rant comes on the 27th anniversary of a home run bouncing off Canseco's head. Maybe he's finally feeling the effects.