Florida Man Gets Arrested For Breaking Into Ex-Girlfriend's Home And Shitting On Everything


ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. — A family of four had a rude awakening Friday morning when the homeowner’s ex broke in and defecated on several of the family’s belongings, according to the Orange County Sheriff’s Office.  The victim was asleep at first, but at least one of the three children inside the home allegedly witnessed Michael Anthony Johnson, 27, of Apopka, break into the home and defecate on things, deputies said.

Johnson is accused of defecating on the victim’s bed sheets, a glass kitchen plate, a wallet and a dresser.


It’s not very often that we get a story coming out of Florida where I actually side with the defendant, but this may be one of those incidences. I don’t know much of the back story here. I don’t know how long these two love birds were together before the light of their eternal love finally burned out. But you have to imagine that emotionally, this broad took a giant heaping pile of shit all over this dude’s heart. Just ripped it out of his chest, threw it in a blender, loaded it up with fecal matter (diarrhea mixes better) and turned the blender on high. So now he’s just out there trying to get a little bit of payback of his own. The only issue is that girls do all of their damage emotionally, and that’s fucked up because you can’t really get arrested for that. Guys are more physical and literal. So instead of taking a metaphoric emotional shit all over this chick, he physically shat all over her home and now he’s the one getting in trouble. If this was truly a fair and just world we live in, both of them would be behind bars right now. Not just the man. But what are you gonna do?

I just have one question about this whole thing. Do you think that all those things he shit on were in the same room together? Or you do you think he had the ability to shit in one room, pinch it in again, and then unleash his beast in another room, rinse and repeat? Because that would be pretty damn impressive.