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65-Year-Old Texan Dies from Rough S&M Sex With His 81-Year-Old Relative

Source - Police believe a man in Texas died from injuries he got from having “sadomasochistic” sex with his 81-year-old relative.

Craig LaMell, 65, told police he'd been walking on a bike trail in Houston last November when he was attacked and beaten by three men. He was hospitalized and later died due to severe head injuries.

Because there was no identifying information about the three men who allegedly attacked LaMell, the case went cold until April, when Alan Bischof, 81, was laid off from his job.

Company officials had found personal emails on his office computer, according to court records. And in one of the emails, according to the court records, Bischof wrote “he and LaMell had a sexual relationship, and that they engaged in sadomasochistic behavior."

The court records state that on Nov. 6, according to the emails, “LaMell had requested Bischof to assault him” and that “Bischof did assault the decedent by punching him with fists.”

Bischof allegedly went on to explain that before LaMell died, the two men concocted a mugging story as a cover. ...

No information was provided on how the two men were related.

There are just so, so many lessons here for all you seniors aspiring to be the submissive in sadomasochistic games with a relative of undetermined lineage. Craig LaMell's death is a tragedy of the highest magnitude. Made even more tragic by the fact it was very preventable.

For starters, remember that S&M sex is all just supposed to be fun and games, not life and death. You're getting punched with fists to improve your orgasms, not put your life on the line. So, you're the sort of person who thinks regular old orgasms aren't good enough for your and they need to be improved upon. That's fine. That's you're right. You are just as God made you. But with that, you have a responsibility to yourself and others to err on the side of caution. Have a safety word and don't be afraid to use it. 

Next, if you're going to pick someone to beat you up for the sexual thrill, choose wisely. Alan Bischof is not your garden variety 81-year-old. He is a virile, potent, sexually active male who can still pack a punch. He's not some feeble old man, living what Shakespeare called "the second childishness," "sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything," flailing away at you with his weak arms. He's still a strapping lad with fists of fury who probably doesn't know his own strength. He didn't fight back the Red Menace on Pork Chop Hill just to find himself in a tickle fight in his 80s. You need to exercise extra amounts of caution when you're involved in sex play with a man like Bischof.

Finally, there's a lesson here for you doms as well. What goes on between two consenting relatives is nobody's business. Which means you need to keep it off your work computer. Company email accounts are the property of the company. You need to treat every message you send like it might be read by the entire firm. Because it could be. It's admirable that a man of his years would still have a job, never mind know how to use email. But the workplace is no place to be conducting your personal affairs or setting up your next sadomasochistic trysts. It's unprofessional and could eventually lead to your arrest if things go terribly, terribly wrong. 

So I post this as a Public Service Announcement for the sadomasochistic elderly population in our audience. Be careful. Be smart. Conduct your kinky sex life with extreme caution because we want to keep you safe and healthy and continuing to be a valued part of the Barstool family. RIP, Craig LaMell. Gone all too soon, but never forgotten.