From A to ZBT, Barstool seems to have every base covered from a content standpoint. At first glance, one would think there is something for everyone. A place where you can learn to cook a burger, or just see where it falls on the Balls Scale, and podcasts ranging from real (Pardon My Take, KFCRadio) to nonexistent (ANUS, Call Her Daddy).
There’s nothing the Barstool umbrella doesn't have covered, tapping every possible market there is.
There’s one demographic that has not been tapped. A market proven to spend serious money, and almost more impressionable than the DaddyGang. That market is children. Stupid stupid children.
But making kid content isn't enough, and not only is it creepy as shit when an adult attempts to pander to youths, but those toddlers can naturally sense integrity, and see right through the charade.
The content needs to be created, curated, and presented by like-aged juveniles. A formula proven to work.
We need a piece of this pie. There is just too much money sitting there, waiting to be given away. It'd be like taking candy from a baby. Almost literally.
Introducing Barstool Tykes, a subsect of Barstool Sports that's by tots, for tots.
Structured much like the current site, we will take the current beloved content that lives on the site, that's proven to work, and revamp it in a way that will have the kiddos stealing, then subsequently entering, their Dad's credit card info in seconds.
Unfortunately, the majority of our current staff has aged out of the tyke demo, and simply having the frame of a toddler isn't enough (sorry Vibbs, you can still host Lowering the Bar). The new cast of zany characters will create the new child-centric content, at a fraction of the price and break room snack budget.
Lowering The Bar
The bravest of the tots sit at the bar to try to stomach repulsive edible curiosities such as broccoli and brussels sprouts.
As one of the biggest moneymakers in the company, similar merchandise will be available with small edits, ensuring kids will relentlessly break their parents with their constant begging.
Taking the proven formula for success, Barstool Tykes will put a slight spin on them to cater towards their younger audience.
Pardon My Tyke: Hosted by PBS Commenter and an actual big cat (puppet)
Four Play: Liked aged toddlers fiddle around with toys
Call Her Daddy: A program for misbehaved girls
And many many more…
What many would say is the backbone of the site, the smokeshows. Rather than compiling pictures of women working their hardest to obtain their communications degree from FIU within a 6 year window, we will curate the best photos of 400,000 pound steam engines.
With this weekly gallery of some of the internet’s most loco motives, viewers won’t be able to take their eyes off of these hot Steam Domes, and the tightest Chassis’.
Based off of current projections, using the most complex algorithms, it's been determined that this spin-off would easily net 5-6 million dollars within the first year.