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England Is Looking For Vandals That Made A Dick Shaped Crop Circle, But I Already Know Who It Is


A British police department found a giant penis-shaped design mowed into a field when the drone team was searching for a suspect. The Devon and Cornwall police drone operators shared the shocking display on their Facebook page Saturday.

“It’s absolutely amazing what you see from the air and sometimes we’re caught a bit off guard!” the post read. Another Facebook user commented: “Must be a hardened criminal.” It’s unclear if the department caught the suspect that fled from them.

Love how England thinks this was some juvenile vandalism and they're on the look out for some snot nosed, cockney culprit. Newsflash England, this is a crop circle. Crop circles are made by aliens, not bored 13 year olds. Your investigation starts and ends there. 

I don't know what it is, but it seems like aliens have been fucking with us more than normal lately. Maybe it's that our technology is advancing and we're just noticing it more. Not sure, but aliens are in the news a lot more lately, and most of us are of the mindset that aliens are way more advanced than little pip-squeak earthlings and could obliterate us in one fell swoop if they so inclined. 

Count me as one of those in that camp. 

I mean... we're only like 200 years old, all things considered, and when I say 200 years old I mean we just started fucking with gas powered engines and electricity and mass transportation in that timespan. The closest planet that could support life is most likely light years away, so whatever aliens have been to earth have had about a billion year head start on perfecting travel and technology than we have. 

Math checks out. Makes sense right? Right. So that's why I think if aliens wanted to click a button and wipe us out, they more than likely could. But then I remember the scene in Independence Day when Dr. Okun showed President Whitmore the aliens in the tube things. Okun told Whitmore that the aliens' body composition were really similar to ours. Breath oxygen, similar sensitivities to heat and cold, etc.

Then they waste the alien with a 9MM hand gun because he was actin a fool and killed Dr. Okun while in surgery:

Couple that with aliens coming to earth and drawing giant dicks in their crop circles, and maybe, just maybe, we can coexist with each other. I mean we both need the same things to survive and they know there's nothing better than a well timed dick drawing. Sometimes it's a massive dick crop circle. Other times it's a quickie dick on your buddy's fogged up car window. Other times it's the black dude with the massive dong disguised as a thunderstorm:

Jonah Hill's character in Superbad knows exactly what I'm talking about. 

Now, with that said, the aliens have some work to do. That was a halfassed wang. The shaft was good, but the balls? Yeah, the balls need work. I've never seen a heart shaped nut sack before. Need more of 8 shape. But we'll get there, aliens. Just gotta keep at it. Until then, good to know we're all on the same page. Not all is bad.