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BRING SEXY BACK! Bartolo Colon Says He Wants To Play One More Season Before Retiring, Preferably With The Mets

ESPN- Even though Bartolo Colón hasn't thrown a pitch in the majors since September 2018, the 46-year-old is not thinking about retirement. Colón hopes to pitch one more big league season, and, given the choice, it would be with the New York Mets.

"I thought that last year maybe I would have the opportunity," Colón said on a video call with ESPN. "I know that if it didn't happen last year, this year would be less likely. I'm getting older and the game is all about the young pitchers coming up. When you get older, teams no longer need your services," Colón said on a video call with ESPN.

Alright Brodie, I don't trust your snake oil salesman ass or either of the two buffoons above you on the org chart. But I'm gonna need you to sign Bartolo Colon and I'm gonna need you to do it this instant in order to win back some of the excitement we were robbed of when the Uncle Stevie Cohen deal fell through. 

I know that signing a 46-year-old pitcher with a million innings on his arm to any sort of guaranteed contract would be like trading the previous year's number 6 overall pick for a closer with only one great season under his belt and a 36-year-old 2nd baseman fresh off a PED suspension with a bazillion dollars left on his deal. But #somethings are bigger than sports and Bartolo Colon's love affair with Mets fans is one of those #things. Two beautiful, imperfect souls that fatefully got together after years of bouncing around and shared some of the best moments of their lives together before going their separate ways and never reaching those highs since with the Mets not making the playoffs since Big Sexy skipped town and Bartolo not having an ERA under 5 after leaving his Flushing family. I mean just reading Bartolo describe the greatest love story ever told has me ugly crying at home.

"That Mets team was really something special," he said. "I've played with 10 teams, but with the Mets, the way all those players treated me, how that entire franchise treated me, from the front office to the kitchen staff, it was amazing. And Mets fans are the best. In the beginning, when they laughed at me every time my helmet fell off, at first I felt uncomfortable. But when I saw how much the fans enjoyed it, I asked for a bigger batting helmet so that it would fall more because it was so much fun for them!" He added: "If it was up to me, I would retire with the Mets. I would like my career to end in New York."

Not only is Bartolo ready mentally to return to the Major but he has been staying loose by dominating some of the best talent that the Dominican Republic has to offer

You may say those are just kids. But there isn't one fanbase that wouldn't be thrilled about signing a couple of DR kids to a developmental deal. Don't give me the excuse that the rotation is full, either. The rotation had 6 guys in it before Noah went down and I refuse to let Michael fucking Wacha be the reason Bartolo Colon doesn't ride off into the sunset on his pet donkey Pancho.

None of us know what the shortened Major League Baseball season will look like if we even have a Major League Baseball season. But I imagine having a professional with a rubber arm and wonderful personality that has played in the Bigs for decades is a good thing. And even though I'd love to see it, Bartolo will almost definitely not be batting if the DH is universal like everyone thinks it will be this season. Plus nothing really counts in this Upside Down Coronaworld we are living in where Korean baseball is king and Tom Brady is in Tompa Bay. In fact, if the Mets were actually going to play at Citi Field in front of fans this season, you know Big Sexy would be as good as signed so the Wilpons could milk some home starts out of the ticket paying public. But until then, we have to pray for a miracle.

turns on Field of Dream voice

Ease his pain…