Nothing Like Waking Up To 200 Goats Running Train On Your Neighborhood During Quarantine

[Insert very original and funny Brady/Belichick/Jordan/LeBron Joke Here]

I'll be honest with you guys, if I saw this happen in my neighborhood at this point of quarantine, I wouldn't even bat an eyelash or care because nothing is real anymore. I'd just allow my new goat overlords to take whatever they like in my house, teach them how to turn on the entertainment system, and drive whatever members of my family the goats didn't demand I turn over to a remote location where nature wasn't actively striking back against man. 

Now if this didn't happen after months of lockdown, I'd like to think I'd still have enough fight in me to attempt to keep humanity's spot atop the Food Chain simply because my forefathers worked so hard to attain the throne thanks to their big brains learning how to harness fire and create weapons. But I'm now at the point now where I'd roll over against pretty much any herd/group/gaggle of animals as long as they let me keep my phone and a charger. 100+ rodents, birds, and definitely any sort of cats or canines could have their way with me. Which is why I would wave the white flag the minute the first goat set hoof in my neighborhood. Not just because they have horns but because are notoriously mean fucks that are known to eat whatever they want and will shit it out wherever they please. 


Of course I had to give an obligatory nod to the CLASSIC Adam Sandler goat skit and follow up goat song back when the Sandman was throwing Mo Rivera cutters on the black during his album days that I listened to as a child and likely corrupted me into becoming the smut blogger I am today. I miss this Adam Sandler more than words can describe.