This "Food Porn" Commercial Is Absolutely Fucking DISGUSTING

(DAILY MAIL)

A new 'food porn' advert for Swisse Me healthy smoothies featuring fruit being handled 'seductively' can only be screened after the 9pm watershed.  

The 30-second advert, produced by London-based creative agency PLAY, features a medley of fruit as it is seductively handled on its way to becoming a smoothie. 

But TV advertising governing body Clearcast has confirmed the commercial will only be aired during late-night television as it contains a plethora of 'sexual innuendo.'

The advert, dubbed 'health food porn' by its makers, begins with a shot of a pair of avocados, followed by a woman tracing her finger along the length of an upright banana. 

I know there are going to be a lot of people out there that LOVE this commercial and everything about it because it's so "ballsy", no pun intended, but I couldn't disagree more. I absolutely HATE what this commercial just did to me. 

I can't find the clip, but there was a scene from that 70s show that has stuck with me ever since I originally saw it. I don't remember the exact context behind the scene, but Eric and Red Forman were looking up the anatomy of a woman's vagina in some sex ed book and the looks on their faces were horrifying because of what they were discovering. Then Red goes "I could have gone my WHOLE LIFE without knowing they had a mucus membrane!"

That just kinda ruined vaginas for me. I mean don't get me wrong, I still love them. There's nothing better than a vagina when I'm drunk, the vagina is random, and I'm nose to nose with it at 3am on a Saturday night. That's always a great story for the boys. But the thought that it has a mucus membrane has always been in the back of my head thanks to Red Forman, and if you asked the Chicago office they'd be the first to tell you that I have a WEAK stomach for gross shit and mucus is fucking disgusting. All green and gross and chillin in the back of your throat when you have a cold. No thank you.

Hey Red Forman! Ignorance is bliss you fucking asshole! 

Anyways the point of all of that is that I don't want to see a strawberry squirting. The mucus membrane ruined that for me. I also don't wanna see a strawberry gaping or an orange getting finger fucked. I wanna see them in their natural state. I mean the strawberry's mucus membrane pumping out that cum was just too much for me. 

I'm sorry, it's just the way I feel. Guess I can't eat smoothies anymore because strawberries have mucus membranes that would make Abella Danger blush