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Fake Muscle Suits Are Here To Help You Land That 2nd Zoom Date While Still Remaining A Lazy Sack Of Shit During Quarantine

Source - The coronavirus pandemic suspended us all in what's been dubbed a 'new normal'.

Emerging from this state of self-isolation in particular, is the brave new world of virtual dating.

However, love in a time of coronavirus is not all lost - but it has been thrust into a state of obscurity, as one company sells 'fake muscles' and 'fake boobs' to help people land a second date...The site claims their virtual date muscle suit provides buyers with "bulging biceps, perfect pecs and washboard abs."

"The padded shirt offers that subtle, sexy and seriously shredded look that many of us dream of," it reads.

I think it's safe to assume that most of us haven't necessarily been keeping the beach bod in check over the past couple of months. We all wish we had the self-control to not just eat and drink all day while we're quarantined in our homes but who are we kidding? We're not Marvel actors. We don't have what it takes to get that Captain America bod on our own. But does that mean that you shouldn't be able to find love? In the midst of a global pandemic?? In this economy???

For sure not. 

But maybe you haven't picked up a dumbbell in a while. Maybe you've accidentally found yourself crushing a few beers as a nightly routine. Basically what I'm saying is that you've gone from this

to this. 

So you need something to help Hemsworth you up a little bit. And clearly you don't have time to take a ton of supplements, completely rework your diet, run a couple of marathons and bang out 100,000 pushups. You need something effective and you need it now because you're about to hop on a Zoom date and at the very least, you'd like the conversation to start getting a little risky. So when in doubt, you throw the muscle suit on. 

Bang. Just like that, you immediately become the hottest dude on the internet. Your biceps are bulging through your sleeves. Your shoulders make the Himalayas look like little hills. Your chest looks like every time you complete a pushup, you push the Earth's surface at least a mile closer to its core. You are a god. A Golden God. And as long as the video quality on your computer is a little shitty, nobody will ever know. At least not for now while all of your dating is being done virtually. Things might get a little tricky once the country starts opening up again and you'll actually have to start dating in person. But that's a problem for future you to deal with. For now, you're fucking jacked and there ain't shit that anybody can do about it besides stare in awe at your glory. 

And the best part is that you can still snack all day long and do nothing but sit on your couch watching Netflix and playing Warzone.