Full Analysis Of The 2015 NFL Coach's Picture

Big Cat3/24/2015 4:32 PM

My single favorite picture of the year, every year. Get all the NFL coaches together, have them stare directly into the Sun and here is what we get. LOT to break down in this year’s edition so let’s hop right in.

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And we start with the centerpiece. Jack Del Rio being the biggest shoulder space hog of all time. Look at that pose.

He looks like he’s having a nice sit on his recliner at home, zero respect for the rest of the group. He’s the guy who sits at a game and takes up all the leg, shoulder, and arm rest space. Savage. Poor Tom Coughlin is stuck in that awkward sit forward spot and Ron Rivera has to do the side tilt, all because Del Rio does not give a single fuck.

Welcome back Jack, we missed you.

Sean Payton

Sean “my wife got me a personal trainer in the offseason and now I can bench 175 lbs just look at these pecs” Payton. Take it easy Sean, we get it, you lift, no one likes a show off. Also, sweet skinny arm that every white girl ever does.

Todd Bowles

Thanks for dressing up Todd. Did you know yesterday was picture day? Or did you just think coming in white linen like you’re a 10 year veteran on vacation in Maui was acceptable?

Also the space between Bowles and McCoy tells me Bowles didn’t shower that morning.

Also little early in your coaching career to be needing a bra Todd. Just saying, that usually comes in year 4/5

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Bruce Arians

Hi, I’m date Bruce, nice to meet me, how do you like your eggs in the morning.

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The “what do we do with our hands” posse.

1. John Harbaugh – Looks like he’s always just getting back from a 6 am jog, with the hold my own hands move.

2. Bill O’Brien. Brutal inside of the knee grab. Either Bill is awkward as fuck or he’s been blasting his tri’s in the offseason and wants the ladies to know “sup”. Tricep City, Population Bill O’Brien’s right arm.

3. Jay Gruden. Still feeling the ripple effects of Del Rio’s shoulder hog.

4. Chip Kelly. Chip with the slow inch over to Jay Gruden’s lap like you used to do in middle school at the movies. This picture lasts one more second and they’re officially dating.

5. Jim Caldwell. Everyone’s father. Silently saying “just take the god damn picture already, I have to shit”

Pete Carroll

“I still can’t believe I threw on the 1″ also “I think Belichick just farted”

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Bill Belichick

What does a man who has it all do? Wears sandals with jeans.

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John Fox

No eyes gangsta. As bad as those hands are they are still a tremendous upgrade from this.

*Pukes in mouth*

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Mike McCarthy

Nice look you Goo Ball.

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Jim Harbaugh

Just kidding.

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Dan Quinn

Dan Quinn or the prison Nazi that wants to kill OJ?

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Jim Tomsula

Rocking the 19.99 shirt from Bloomingdales that is 2 sizes too big. He looks like an exhausted substitute math teacher just fed up with the day. Right after this picture was taken Jim hopped into his 1998 Toyota Corolla, the one with the broken stereo and AC that never gets cold, and sat in 3 hours of rush hour traffic. Have fun with that San Fran.

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Jeff Fisher