Woman Found Masturbating in My Chinese Apartment While I'm Locked out of the Country

Some of you may be unaware, but I've lived in Ikea for most of my time in China. Despite the minor annoyance of having to share it with thousands of strangers, it was truly an incredibly comfortable and spacious place to call home. 

It was even the first place I brought Francis too when he visited China.

But China closed its borders March 28th and since I've been locked out of the country, my apartment has turned into a god damn pleasure palace. 

"(NY POST) A woman was caught on camera masturbating while half-naked in a Chinese IKEA store, prompting the DIY furniture company to pledge stricter security.

The two-minute pornographic clip shows the unidentified woman wearing just a white shirt as she pleasures herself in various sections of the store.

As other shoppers walk by, the woman initially sat on a chair, touching herself as she thrust her butt toward the camera.

She then sat on a bed with her legs spread wide — at one point seeming to catch the eye of some guys walking past — before taking off her shirt in a more secluded spot in the store."

The thing that infuriates me the most is that there are plenty of private places in the store to masturbate without causing a scene.

This woman appears to just be an attention whore, or an actual whore, one or the other. Looks like I'm gonna have to start paying Hu Ayi extra to be on "masturbation watch" while I'm out of the country. When the Don's away, the cats will play!