In case you slept the day away, avoided Barstool all morning, and/or don't have a Twitter account, Jerry Stiller passed away this morning. We have honored his memory in a plethora of ways. But I thought the best way to honor the man who played Frank Costanza's memory was going Full Festivus and letting the hate in our hearts out by airing some grievances.
- Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck coronavirus. It had to be said, it had to be said first, and it had to be said with 20 U's in fuck which is my personal maximum while blogging. Sorry if this offends.
- People that are stuck with little kids during quarantine deserve a trophy. I know the kids themselves are a sort of sex trophy and we made this choice ourselves. But this shit suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks (20 U's maximum hit) and I want something tangible I can hold for making it through this in one piece
- Speaking of sucking, if anybody knows this Father Time fella I always hear about, please kick him in the shins for me because its been years since I haven't been tired or had a random part of my body aching
- I have always liked Chief, but this may be the worst take in the history of takes.
Hit the soundbite!
- The Wilpons and James Dolan. Everything about them.
- I feel bad for the college football
players student athletes that went to Toledo, Florida State, or USC to play offense for Coach Duggs and are now being coached by someone that is definitely not Coach Duggs. I'm not hating the playa (Coach Duggs) I am hating the game (The bloodsucking NCAA).
- I cannot put into words how much I hate that there are a million different fantasy football scoring systems. I know we have agreed on a standard scoring system. But so many times I talk about a fantasy league with someone, half the conversation is just them explaining the rules of their league
- It is flat out MALARKEY that quarantine weight is not going to come off as easy as it went on
- I hate myself for starting this daily thread 2 months ago when quarantine began because I have done it every single night for almost 2 months but always forget about it until right before I go to sleep and have no clue when/how to end it.
- People like to compare Captain America and Iron Man a lot. But one of them sat around on Earth as Thanos snapped away half of the universe while the other invented time travel in Endgame, invented the gauntlet that snapped back that half of the universe, and THEN sacrificed himself while snapping away Thanos and his army for good. Yet ol' Captain stars and stripes somehow got the two biggest moments of the movie.
- Mother Nature was a real bitch when we needed her to come through with decent weather in April to boost our morale, even if this almost definitely would have led to a huge spike in covid cases because people are dickheads
- Foxes may be lovely creatures but sharing a neighborhood with them is a NIGHTMARE
I'm sure I will come up with more of these as the day goes by because I have basically become an old man that is constantly complaining to the four walls I am surrounded by. If you want to join me, take this blog as your chance to air your grievances in the comments a la Barstool Confessions.