Breaking Down The 2020-21 Bears Schedule

White Sox Dave5/08/2020 1:23 PM

Schedules were released last night. This is how I see the season shaking out. Those morons Eddie, Chief and Carl were scared when the schedules started leaking earlier this week and throwing up numbers like "5-11" and shiit, but after carefully deliberating with myself I think it's going to be a BIG year.

Week 1 - at Detroit lol WIN

Week 2 - vs NYG - Jets are better WIN

Week 3 - at ATL - blew a 28-3 lead to the most overrated QB in NFL history WIN

Week 4 - vs Indy - Rivers is 100 years old WIN

Week 5 - vs Tampa Bay - Tom Brady is overrated who owes his life to Bellichick and has a career passer rating of 89 in the playoffs WIN

Week 6 - at Carolina - Teddy Bridgewater absolutely fucking sucks WIN

Week 7 - at LA Rams - Mitch proves he should be paid more $$$ than Goff, talking heads start saying he could be the MVP WIN

Week 8 - vs New Orleans - Brees is also 100 years old and New Orleans can't win in Bear Weather, WIN

Week 9 - at Titans - Henry gets stuffed for 23 rushes on 18 carries WIN

Week 10 - vs Vikings - Cousins is a total pipsqueak and can’t play in Bear weather WIN

Week 11 - Bye week, Mitch clear cut favorite of MVP race WIN

Week 12 - Packers - at team rested, Rodgers has been traded for a conditional 5th round pick at this point, Love throws 4 picks, WIN

Week 13 - vs Detroit LOL Win

Week 14 - vs Texans - Mitch proves he’s better than Watson WIN

Week 15 - at Vikings - Cousins is a dink WIN

Week 16 - at Jaguars - Foles knows the playbook WIN

Week 17 - vs Packers - look ahead game, team was filming a new "Super Bowl Shuffle" all week instead of focusing on the game, Packers keep it close and only lose by 3 scores WIN

17-0. The bye week counts as a win. Tell me I'm wrong, you can't. Until then just stew in these highlights:

Real talk.... this is a pretty fucking brutal 3rd place schedule. There's not one gimme on the schedule and it could be a LONG year if Mitch/Foles aren't at least average. Chief said it best, "the Bears might be in Trevor Lawrence territory" come January 2021. No bueno. That'll mean a whole new front office and coaching staff, making that their 4th turnover in 9 years if I'm counting correctly.