First Glitter, Now You Can Send Your Enemies A Bag Of Edible Dicks

Daily Mail- Just when you thought that communicating by snail mail was obsolete, one inventive entrepreneur has created a way to send a message loud and clear- with a sugary and brightly coloured bag of lolly penises. D**ks by Mail is a new website created to send anyone in your life feelings of ‘sadness, disappointment and betrayal’ through the anonymous gift of confectionery phallises. ‘In only a few minutes you can send a literal Bag of D**ks to that special a***ole in your life,’ explains the site. ‘You know the one. The annoying guy at the office. Your Ex who decided to see other people before telling you,’ the site says. ‘The Teacher that doesn’t care about your dead grandma. The person that murdered your grandma.’ For US$15 (plus postage), the site will send a 150 gram bag of lolly penises to the person of your choosing, with a note that says ‘EAT A BAG OF D**KS’. ‘You will remain anonymous and silently chuckle to yourself for years to come as you picture them slowly degrading into a shell of the person they once were, always questioning their lives,’ the site says. Despite encouraging potential customers to send the package to their chosen enemies place of work to heighten the level of embarrassment the gummy penises will create, the site specifically says that it is against bullying.

Stupid idea.  And this is coming from the guy who loved the glitter bomb stuff.  Loved it.  If I weren’t a lowly smut blogger and actually had money I would’ve tried to put together a group to buy it.  People hate glitter (minus strippers).  It gets everywhere. You think it’s gone and then the sun hits the room just right and and you realize there’s still a trillion little speckles everywhere. Glitter is something that could legitimately lead someone to homicide or suicide.  That’s what was so great about it.  This?  Sending edible dicks in the mail to somebody you hate?  Laaaaaaaaame.  Bro I don’t care what shape a piece of candy is, I’m gonna eat the shit out of it.  Send me these edible fruit dicks.  I’ll eat it.  Send me a mold of Shaq’s dick made out of chocolate.  I’ll eat it.  Doesn’t matter.  You don’t send your enemies candy, you send you friends candy.  But I think the idea is to send it to their office and embarrass them.  Those co-workers will forget about the embarrassment real quick once they’re all eating delicious candy.  Holes all over the place in this plan.