Live EventBarstool Sports Picks Central | Wednesday, March 29th, 2023Watch Now

How Good Were Your High School's Cookies?

Last night I got a random flashback to high school and a craving I couldn't shake. Something that was a major, major part of growing up: chocolate chip cookies. Specifically, high school school chocolate chip cookies. If you know, you know. 

Now this blog might not relate with everyone and that's okay you just had a terrible high school cafeteria. I don't know what most of your high school lunches looked like, but mine had a nice Russian lady stationed near the exit with trays and trays of cookies ready to be consumed by all of us. She didn't speak a lick of English. She just nodded, said the total price, and gave us our cookies. 

She would give you the impression that these cookies were put in the oven for an amount of time, but she was lying right to your face. We were basically eating raw cookie dough and it was all we ever wanted. The less cooked the better. How unhealthy was it? Unbelievably, most likely. My risk of diabetes, heart disease, and high cholesterol probably skyrocketed because of these cookies, but I did not care one bit. They would melt in your mouth. It was ecstasy. On the flip side any time you went to her and she was out of cookies it was like being kicked squarely in the dick. Want a quick ticket to ruining your day? Get up from your table, walk all the way to the Russian cookie lady, and find out she has nothing for you. Might as well punch me in the face and tell me my dog ran away.

Texting a few friends reminiscing of the good ole days I think the deal used to be 35 cents a cookie. On days I was depressed and had a bad day in other classes I would go up to get a hot lunch and come back with 10-15 cookies instead. That's all I ate those days. It was fantastic. Even better was the last day where lunch was served of the whole year. It was basically the equivalent of a store going out of business. They were practically giving these things away for free. I think it might have been 5 for a dollar. Maybe 6? You'd come back with multiple plates of these cookies that were falling apart before they even entered your mouth. Tables sometimes had mountains of cookies that had were unfathomable to imagine. 

I will never have a better cookie in my life than the ones at Manalapan High School. You might have had the best sports teams, the hottest girls, the fanciest sports facilities, whatever go nuts. But make no mistake we had the best cafeteria cookies and I'll go to my grave with that.