Before we take this too far I want to point out that this is the best life for me. Maybe not for the elephant. I just know somebody’s gonna come outta the wood work and be like, “ELEPHANTS SHOULD BE FREE! THEY SHOULD BE IN THE WILD! THEY SHOULDN’T BE HELD IN CAPTIVITY LIKE THIS!” Whatever. I’m saying I want to live like this. Its looks awesome. Just walk around all day, get sprayed with a hose, have people coming up to me and petting me and take a shit wherever I wanted. That’s a little thing we like to call freedom. Not freedom in the sense of being in the wild but freedom in the sense of straight up shitting wherever I wanted. That’s the main point of the issue. And getting hosed down when it’s hot. I say I want people to spray me with a hose all day everyday and it’s “weird” and “creepy”. Be an elephant and it’s just part of the deal. That’s bliss. Not to mention I haven’t showered in two days so I could use a good spray down. If I’m an elephant I don’t have the current predicament I’m in. That being not wanting to shower because I’m lazy. And, even if we were just talking about the elephant, I’m pretty sure he loves it too. Look how happy that dude is.