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WORLD RECORD ACHIEVED! Longtime Stoolie Sets New Record For The Largest Hoop Ever Hula’d!

Hell yes, baby! What a record! My god! The core strength that it tasks to whisk this hoop around without a care in the world would give Big Ev’a hernia a hernia. He took that Saturn-sized ring and sent it into Orbit like a Redenbacher cornel in the microwave. Call that Orbit Orville. Sorry. That joke was kettlecorny.

Anyway, I love that human feats can still be achieved on human feeta despite the year that has been littered with defeats. With a little Sticktoitiveness and a seamless welding job by a skilled craftsPERSON, our dreams are within reach even we thrust and jive at the right time. Timing is everything because with just one foul hump, your hoop is on the ground like a birthday cake. Good work, everybody. 

My dad’s not a phone. Duh.