Wake Up With 1978’s ‘Star Wars Holiday Special’

It’s lunacy to post an hour and a half long video on a blog that the average reader spends 25 second time. Or it would be, where it any other video. This isn’t just any clip. This is the undisputed worst television show ever made. Don’t think of it as a 90 minute long fetid, stinking, sun-baked turd. Think of it as 90 separate one minute long fetid, stinking, sun-baked turds.

Seriously. Scan to any random moment in this ill-conceived, nightmarish, regrettable piece of television history and experience the worst that pop culture has ever produced. Harrison Ford humiliated by his contractual obligation to appear in this mess and saying his lines like he believes every word he utters brings him one syllable closer to career suicide. Mark Hamill’s face sparkled with a two inch coating of Kabuki make up and guy liner. And poor Carrie Fisher, obviously high as a lab rat And what was no doubt the peak of her substance abuse problems.

There’s Chewbacca’s family, In cheap gorilla costumes with masks out of one of those tacky, haunted houses that pop up every Halloween seasons. Chewie’s son Lumpy watching hologram acrobats in bedazzled G-strings. Art Carney of all goddamned people giving Chewie’s dad Itchy a VR video of Dianne Carroll Singing a song/giving him space phone sex. Harvey Korman, just a few short years removed from one of the great comic performances of all time in “Blazing Saddles” Agonizingly trying to squeeze a single drop of comedy out of the rancid piss the writers gave him to work with. And Bea Arthur trying not to slice her wrists to get out of having to appear in another scene long enough that maybe someone will create a sitcom about four lovable old bags so she can put this low point of her life behind her.

The only single redeeming aspect of this is that it is the first appearance of Boba Fett, who was only given a passing mention in “Episode IV: A New Hope.” But because it’s the Holiday Special, he’s a fucking cartoon. Other than that, it’s 1970s awfulness done to absolute perfection.

May the 4th be with you.