So this week's Barstool TGIF episode was centered around American Gladiators. Oh, what's Barstool TGIF? Every Friday at 9pm, Clem and myself hop on video with a rotating cast of guests to talk about 90s shows. We've done GUTS, Rock n Jock and now American Gladiators. You can watch this week with KFC, Capt. Cons and Chief here:
The topic came up of what is the best American Gladiators event. It's a bit of a trick question since every event is fucking awesome. But we have to come up with some sort of rankings. Now we're talking the staple here. The 90s version, not the reboot. Obviously we're ruling out the Eliminator - which is the best - since it's the finishing game. We're talking just the regular events. These are the 5 best:
Just an old fashioned joust. Tough to beat it. It was a staple of Gladiators, so much so they even put it in the game (one of the greatest Nintendo games ever). If you were a psycho kid like Chief you would put pillows at the end of your hockey sticks and create backyard joust. Don't hate the move. Either way, you have to have this in the top-5.
4. Breakthrough and Conquest
Any time we're talking about pretty much just the Oklahoma drill you're going to make the list. The wrestling portion was whatever, this is strictly about major hits on the footbal portion. It was the perfect distance too. Close enough that these people wouldn't get winded but short enough that the momentum was there.
3. Human Cannonball
I would have killed to be in the writers room during this pitch. I'll be honest here too. This event sucks for the gladiators. They just have to stand on that perch, get a little pad to protect yourself while someone comes flying at you. The real debate here is what would you do to hit the gladiator. Would you go ass first? Do you extend the legs? Either way, you toss the word human cannonball on an event and you have my attention.
The event the show called the signature event, gets the No. 2 spot here. Again, a simple game. Take a ball and put it in the hoop. Combine a bit of football and basketball. Obviously you have the twist of three gladiators to two contestants but all it took was a little shimmy and you were getting points.
What I would do to be able to play this right now. If you're telling me you wouldn't go do the assault course (might have to change the name) instead of paintball or anything like that you're a damn liar. It would be AWESOME to try to beat the course and/or be the gladiator to bean your buddies with 100mph tennis balls. Speaking of that, nothing made me laugh more than the stats of how quick the tennis ball was coming out. At the same time you had the contestants wearing a cheap chest protector and goggles. The best. I've said it before where there are a million things that Barstool could pull off - tell me you wouldn't watch Dave be the gladiator mic'd up trying to peg people with the tennis ball gun machine.
So what's your list?