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I Am Never Getting Into Med School

When I told my mom I got an internship at Barstool, she asked me why I would work for a furniture company when I was in school to become a doctor. Needless to say, she’s about 60 years old. I bet you’re probably confused why I’m interning at Barstool when my plan was to go to med school. I’m confused too. 

If there is one thing I know it’s that working at Barstool is any normal college kid’s dream job. So when I got a DM from Gaz back in December I obviously almost shit my pants. The most humiliating part of it all was that he found me on Tiktok. TikTok out of all apps has the worst reputation, but of course with my luck that's the app I blew up on. My claim to fame was from a video of me violently puking after a night of body shots at my local chinese restaurant. I went from zero followers to 290k in under a year. Never in my wildest dreams would I think my TikTok account would get me a gig at Barstool, but hey I’m not complaining. 

Gaz and I kept in touch for a few months and I was offered an internship. ME? An average looking, slightly alcoholic, idiot working at Barstool? I had immediate regret for ever responding to the DM. All I could think about was going into the office and being completely unfunny and unlikeable. But of course I said yes to the internship, my friends would disown me if I said no. 

A few weeks later I flew out to NYC to visit the office and meet everyone. I was terrified, I still couldn’t understand why anyone especially Barstool would want me to intern for them. 

If I'm being completely honest I got slightly drunk at 10am before going into HQ. Don’t lie to yourself you’d do the same thing if you were some random college girl going to meet the coolest and funniest people on the internet too. I get there and almost break the damn door trying to get in. I saw the receptionist laughing at me trying to open this big ass door, I wasn’t even inside yet and I’m already mortified. I finally got in and started thinking to myself “Why are you so nervous? You literally have nothing to lose. Sack up Brianna and stop being a bitch”. 

I get the grand tour and meet just about anyone you can name. I immediately knew this is where I wanted to be. This place is the shit. 

Oh by the way my name is Brianna and I’m another Masshole, as if they don’t hire enough Massholes as it is. I’m still not sure what anyone at Barstool sees in me, but hey I can’t be all that bad right? I grew a following from unapologetically being myself. So I might as well continue to be the unfiltered person that I am with some crazy ass stories to tell along the way. Who knows what this summer has in store for me. All I know is I’m gonna have the time of my life doing it. 

I want to be the girl you want to watch or listen to after your dumbass boyfriend from Sigma Chi breaks up with you to “focus on himself”. I’ve been through it all. From psychotic ex’s, spending the night in jail, maneuvering my way through college, to month long benders. I’m far from perfect and we all know I won’t be getting into med school after making a fool of myself at Barstool all summer. So let me be the girl to tell you the do’s and don’ts while trying to figure your shit out.