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Find You A Quarantine Girlfriend Who Hypes You Up After Every Accomplishment You Achieve In MLB The Show

The dynamic of having a boyfriend/girlfriend during quarantine is a potential nightmare. You're going from seeing them a ton to being strictly a text-only relationship. A person's true colors are coming out right now and it's probably a disaster for most of you. Is he/she pressuring you to risk your safety to see them or are they being understanding since this is a global pandemic? Irrationality is all over the place these days. 

Then there's this woman named Rachel. The word hero gets thrown around way to casually these days, but make no mistake Rachel is a hero. She's been hyping up and congratulating her boyfriend after every accomplishment he achieves in MLB the Show. Spectacular.  

We all need this shit. Get on a smooth winning streak, maybe sweep the Cubs on the road? You bet your ass you're getting that text letting you know how proud she is. Come back from six down late to win it on a walk off? Rachel is going to make you feel like a million bucks. Win the World Series and you might be getting a congratulatory snap, who knows? If I rob someone in GTA or kill someone in the gulag on COD I need to be reminded how good of a job I just did. It helps. It's the little things in life that will help get us through all the bullshit. 

You know how many girlfriends cringe at the thought of their boyfriend playing video games over texting them? A lot, that's how many. They just don't get it. We're out here trying to build a farm and chase a ring. Rachels don't come around very often. They're like shooting stars. When you find one you best not let her go. 

We need more women in the world like Rachel. We need more heroes. Morale is low all over the place in this country. I was up until 7am last night/this morning just staring at the ceiling wondering when we'll get any sense of normalcy back. I needed a text to wake up to telling me I did a good job finally falling asleep. I'll take anything I can get. 

Mike, if you don't wife up Rachel you're the biggest moron alive. 

P.S. For anyone wondering about the 102 unread texts. Get lost. 

For the record, I have no idea what "go puff" is. Absolutely none. I refuse to Google it and I will continue to live my life chasing that answer.