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Would You Take Time Out Of Your Day To Video-Chat With An Eel In A Japanese Aquarium?

I've never been a big zoo/aquarium guy. Obviously, it was cool when I was still in school because going to the zoo/aquarium meant I'd get to skip out on math class to watch a couple of giraffes try and figure out what exactly they're doing in the Bronx, NY. Nowadays I might as well just burn my money. Twenty dollars? To get bored of staring at captive animals 20 minutes in? Hard pass. 

For that price, I could be purchasing 14.2 McDoubles and just be infinitely happier. I could even pull up some pictures of the same exact animals and be completely satisfied with my decision. That being said, let's carry on.


When the garden eels at a Tokyo aquarium remove their heads from the sand, they are usually confronted by pairs of human eyes staring back at them through the glass.

But like other animals around the world, the eels at Sumida Aquarium are finding their environment transformed by the effects of the coronavirus outbreak.

They also appear to be forgetting what humans look like. Concerned that the garden eels – so named because their grass-like appearance when, en masse, they poke their heads out of the seabed – could come to see visitors as a threat, the aquarium is asking people to get in touch in the form of a calming video calls.

Now I get that these eels are really missing human beings - they miss all the little shithead kids coming in on their field trips, pushing their face against the glass and whathaveyou - but could the Tokyo Aquarium have picked a worse animal to give people the chance to face time. I'm willing to bet all of the animals are forgetting what humans look like. A fucking eel? Seriously? No slight against eels and/or eel culture but no one at the aquarium is there to see the eels. If this aquarium was letting people facetime with the penguins, then we have a completely different story. Penguins are cool and loveable, no one wants to miss out on a chance to talk to a penguin. Meanwhile, eels are just kinda weird, ugly creatures.


You wanna know another place that doesn't have humans? The fucking ocean. Maybe it isn't such a bad thing that these eels are forgetting what humans are like, it's probably for the best. I literally am a human and I'm starting to forget what other humans actually look like. That's just the effect of coronavirus and social distancing.

From what the article is saying, the worst that can happen is that the eels see visitors as a threat.

What does that even mean? They'll try and attack visitors or something? I'd certainly like to see them try. It's almost like these animals forget there's a gigantic glass barricade between them and the guests, idiots. 

I can't even imagine how you tell your friends and family that you just spend 30 minutes on facetime with a fucking eel in Japan. 

"hey hold on Mark, I'll be right out. Let me just finish up this eel video chat"

Precrime city. If you genuinely want to video chat with eels, you either have a very bad case of quarantine brain or you deserve to be locked up. No in-between whatsoever. No one is out here video chatting with eels because it's quirky or cute, they're doing it because they're a complete and utter psychopath.

Again, like the general concept of zoos/aquariums, it just feels like it's not the best use of my time. Is the eels life really gonna change that much based on a 5-minute zoom call? I'd much rather blindly poor my money into some sort of donation box rather than take time out of my day to talk to an eel. So no, I would NOT take time out my day to facetime an eel.