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Chinese Funerals Are Hiring Strippers and Now I Want to Make it Rain

I've only been to a few funerals in my life; normally they're all dreadfully sad and boring. Of course, there are always exceptions. I remember going to a funeral for my mom's friend's son who was a wild partier, so they decided instead of the gloom and doom, they were going to throw him a party. It was the first time I was ever lit around my mom, and boy was I lit. The party was fire, all things considered. I ended up with dried leaves all over my funeral fit and a splitting headache the next day. 

I feel like all funerals should be like that. The one thing it was missing though, now that I think back on it, was a stripper. That would have really sent it over the top from a good time to a bachelor party-esque GREAT time. 

You may be thinking I'm crazy for even suggesting such a thing but that's exactly what's poppin in funerals all over China RN. 

According to a recent article in the New York Post, "It has been a longtime tradition in rural China for residents to hire strippers to partake in bawdy performances at funerals in order to attract a larger attendance of mourners." 

Oh, word?

Apparently, this has been a common practice since the 1990s (how am I just knowing about this?). “According to the interpretation of cultural anthropology, the fete is originated from the worship of reproduction". Locals also believe that a large turnout shows respect for the dead. 

No better way to "show respect" and "worship fertility" like a little T&A gyrating to Genuwine's "Pony" near an embalmed body, amirite?  And as you know, you can't spell funeral without "FUN". Well maybe you can in Chinese, but that's another story I guess

How does this stripper funeral business work, actually? 

Scantily clad women in lingerie perform in front of a black and white photo of the deceased (creepy) as they saunter into the crowd encouraging the patrons to giggle their breasts [while they] rub men’s crotches. 

WHAT??? 

The crowd obvs loves this. "In describing a typical scene in which strippers perform at a funeral, a local Chinese news site continued: 'The crowd of pushed to climax, roaring with laughter, whistling, applauding and cursing.'"  

Unfortunately, the government has had enough. They have decided to shut the party down. Ugh. Apparently, 

The country’s Ministry of Culture announced late last month that it will be targeting a slew of rural provinces “for their obscene and vulgar performances at weddings, funerals and temple fairs."

BOOOO. 

It's gotten so serious that they've set up a hotline for public to report any “funeral misdeeds” in exchange for a monetary reward. 

Whoever snitches on a mourning family for adding a stripper to their funeral deserves every proverbial stitch coming his/her way.

COVID aside, our guy Donnie Does had it good. Shame I didn't hit him up when he was traveling across China to see Pangzai. We could have made a detour and I'd have played the Will Ferrell role with a purse full of fresh ones and fives to, you know, pay my respects to the dearly departed. 

And maybe get my grind on at the same time.

H/T @matthewistewart