Father's Day Collection | T-Shirts, Hats, Polos, Crewnecks, Q-Zips and MoreSHOP NOW


If I Had 10 Fastballs To Throw Bryce Harper, All 10 Are Going In His Earhole

And by earth holing Bryce Harper I mean ear holing Adam Smith aka Smitty aka the worst pasta salesman in the history of pasta sales. It should come as no shock to you, but Smitty has not one ounce of moral fiber. He bunted for a hit with Harper to break up a no-no a few weeks back and that was when I decided I was going to drill him every time he stepped foot in the batters box moving forward. Bush League baseball like you read about. Once I got sick of drilling him every pitch he ran into a pitch and hit it out of the park. Never again was he going to see another pitch anywhere else other than in his earhole after that.

But that's not Harper's fault. It's Smitty's, that deadbeat. A wise man (Chief) once told me, "Philly is a city full of nothing but dumb people because anyone who has a brain winds up in NYC or DC". Smitty should consider himself the luckiest man on the planet for failing upwards into playing video games for a living. 


Look, truth be told I really like Bryce Harper. He's tough as nails and on a Hall of Fame path. I don't want to hit him every time I pitch to him, but unwritten rules are unwritten rules.  Unfortunately he plays in the scumbag city JV that is Philadelphia and as a man of gumption and integrity, I'd be remiss not to drill him as much as possible for breaking said unwritten rules. Not like this will happen in real life:

But nevertheless, if you're into watching two grown men play video games, we're going live NOW on Barstool's Twitch channel. Tune in! You don't have shit else better to do.