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The Premier League Is Planning To Use Cardboard Cutouts As Fans And Pump Fake Crowd Noise Into Stadiums When Soccer Starts Again

Old me would sit here and bitch about this all. Don't give me fake crowd noise. Don't give me cardboard cutouts or anything like that. Just let me watch in silence as players play soccer. But this is quarantine me. This is me ready for anything. Give me cardboard cutouts. Why? Because it already looks fucking hilarious in Belarus 

Now make this the EPL and it'll be even more outrageous. Just fill an entire stadium with cardboard cutouts. Why not? We can't have fans in the stadium and home field advantage is important - obviously. So you gotta do something to come up with that advantage besides knowing the field and any weird bounce a ball can take. You know how you get home field advantage?

You freak out the other team with thousands of cardboard cutouts sitting there. You're telling me you're not terrified of this at all? Then add in pumped in crowd noise to the stadium (along with on TV)

Several Premier League clubs are also considering pumping crowd noise into the stadium during matches.

They hope it will provide a boost to their players, if they are permitted to stage games at their own grounds rather than neutral venues.

That actually doesn't sound like the worst idea. It's true that athletes do get a boost from the crowd. There's a reason they try to pump them up and thrive on noise, etc. I hope they get weird with it though. Make it screeching noises. Make it annoying. Do anything it takes for an advantage. 

Whatever it takes. Just give us sports back, please. I'm asking nicely. I'll watch in silence. I'll watch cardboard fans. I don't care, I just want to watch sports man.