Wade Miley Wrangled A Snake In The Red Sox Clubhouse
Stop the fight! From this day forward, I don’t want to hear any further discussion on who the true ace of the Red Sox staff is.
Apparently a snake got loose in the Red Sox clubhouse at JetBlue Park today, “which prompted several players to climb on chairs or tables”. While the rest of his teammates headed for higher ground, Wade Miley, the pride of Louisiana, grabbed that son of a bitch by the back of its neck, jumped in a golf cart with an anaconda riding shotgun, and drove it back to the woods of Fort Myers, Florida, releasing it back into the wild.
Rick Porcello may have led the American League in shutouts last year, Joe Kelly might be throwing 99mph this spring, and Clay Buchholz may have had one of the best starts to a season in Red Sox history in 2013, but you learn a lot about the mental makeup of your starting rotation when you let a snake loose in your clubhouse.
I wouldn’t even put it past Ben Cherington to have done this himself, that brilliant, magnificent bastard. And it wouldn’t surprise me if teams started to implement this strategy during spring training to help the decision-making process when it comes time to thin the herd.
Some of the best talent this game has ever seen has pissed in their pants when the lights have shined the brightest. Game 7 of the World Series, for all the marbles, when everything is on the line — I don’t care who had the best regular season ERA, the most strikeouts, or the most wins. Give me the guy who wrangled a snake with his bare hands, while everyone else squealed like Richard Sherman at the end of Super Bowl XLIX.
h/t Milmore on the pic.