101-Year-Old Smokeshow Spanish Flu and Cancer Survivor Makes the 'Rona Her Bitch

Source - A 101-year-old upstate New York woman with “superhuman DNA” not only beat the coronavirus, but knocked out cancer and lived through the 1918 Spanish flu, according to a report.

Angelina Friedman, a resident at a Mohegan Lake nursing home, tested positive for the COVID-19 bug last month but licked the deadly global pandemic last week — a feat that didn’t entirely surprise her family, WKBW-TV in Buffalo reported Monday.

“She is not human,” her daughter, Joanne Merola, told the outlet. “She has superhuman DNA.”

“My mother is a survivor,” Merola added. “She survived miscarriages, internal bleeding, and cancer.”

The daughter of Italian immigrants, Friedman was born aboard a ship bound for America in 1918, while the Spanish flu was raging — and emerged unscathed, according to the outlet. ...

Years later, she and her husband, Harold Friedman, were diagnosed with cancer. 

“She survived,” Merola said. “He didn’t.” 

I think it's a safe assumption to say that we are all looking for an excuse - any excuse - to get this nonsense over with and get our lives back. Some example, not matter how anecdotal, that we can point to and say, "See? This happened, so why are we still in lockdown? Let's open up the golf courses and bars and let us all get haircuts again." 

Well I regret to say, Angelina Friedman is not it. 

Sorry to break this to you, but don't pin your hopes on the fact she just kicked coronavirus in the dick. Just because she laughed in Covid-19's face and pantsed it in front of all the other novel viruses does not mean you or I can. This woman is Methuselah. She's in-goddamned-destructable with her superhuman DNA and your puny genome is no match for hers. 

Think about her life for a second. She was born on a ship in the middle of the Atlantic during Spanish Flu, which made the Black Plague look like the Fever for the Flavor of a Pringles. During a time when passengers were probably shitting in bed pans and dumping them over the rails of the promenade deck. When the word "sanitize" meant throwing the dead overboard. She survived miscarriages and internal bleeding when babies were delivered by medieval barbers using leeches and sewing you up with cat gut. So the 'Rona never stood a chance with her plus modern medicine, which she probably didn't even need. And since I'm actually closer to her age than I am to my birth, I'm not ashamed to admit her total, Wonder Woman-like badassery kind of does it for me. In a wholesome, respectful, wait-til-the-third-date kind of way. 

So continued good health to Angelina. I hope she gets some rest. She's going to need her strength when she buries us all.