I have been using these 2pm blogs as kind of a venting session to talk about whatever is on my mind. Kinda like what OG blogging used to be, a place to write down your thoughts. It's nice, I recommend everyone do it. I guess they used to call that writing in a diary or a journal, which I also recommend. You might feel silly doing it at first, but there's a reason it's recommended- it feels good to get your thoughts out. And once you start writing, the words just flow out naturally and you start feeling things and saying things you didn't realize you felt or would say.
So that brings us to this blog. Today sucks. I don't think there's any need to say it any other way- I feel miserable today. Some days are good, some days are bad, and some days I don't want to be a part of. That's one of these days. And I'm sharing this because what I've realized is at the beginning of quarantine everyone was like "we're all in this together!", everyone was checking on each other, and everyone was miserable together and we coped that way. Now I feel we have mostly accepted this as our new normal. We've adjusted to staying inside. We've accepted this is our lives. And I've been pretty good with that. I actually love working from home. But for whatever reason today my brain was like "nope, I'm not gonna let you feel normal today bro".
So I wanted to share this with people because I feel there's a ton of people out there dealing with this too. Some good days and some bad days. No matter what situation you're in- at home with your family, a roommate, a significant other, or by yourself, loneliness and sadness will happen. You haven't seen your friends or family in months. You have to remember to open the blinds so you get an ounce of sunlight. Your diet and sleep schedule makes no sense at all. And you're wondering "am I the outlier? Everyone else seems to be ok, why aren't I?" It's your basic "Reality vs IG" phenomenon. Everyone wants to put out the appearance that they are okay so you start to question yourself.
I wanted to share this story- not too long ago someone tweeted me something extremely mean. To be honest I can't even remember what it was but I was like "damn, that was mean". I went to his timeline and the last few days he had been tweeting about how bad of a place he's in, how he hopes something good happens in his life soon, how down he is. So I reached out, because I get it. And he responded apologetically and embarrassed, but that's not what I wanted. I just wanted him to know we really are all in this together and we're all fighting battles nobody else can see and there's nothing wrong with that. We're all going to slip up, but the best thing we can do is try to make each other's lives better.
I just want to get back to normal. I want to see my friends and family. I want to go to restaurants and bars again. Maybe find a girlfriend, that'd be cool too. I'll tell you what, for someone who has no problem being alone, I certainly am over being alone.
So if you're feeling down, angry, annoyed, frustrated, bothered, lonely, or trapped, just remember you aren't alone in these feelings, even if the public discussion has shifted away because quarantine has been normalized.
This isn't normal and you shouldn't be expected to feel normal.