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I've Never Wanted To Read A Book More Than This One

1:17. One minute and seventeen seconds take place before you hear the full title of this modern masterpiece. You talk about burying a lede, I almost didn't make it to one of the greatest sentences ever uttered. "From Crack Addict To CEO" is one helluva hook and would have made that extremely random, incorrectly read, excerpt about Mexican make more sense. Plus there's pictures of math proving God is real? Finally! The Bible has been out here trying to get people into Christianity with "faith" like bozos for the better part of two millennia when all they needed was to break out the abacus one time. But that whole "I figured out religion" section of this novel appears to be the foreword or some extremely unimportant chapter like three or some shit. The real meat and potatoes?

14! How many do you think have to do with crack cocaine? I'd guess 17. No chance a man so heavily, boastfully addicted to crack cocaine remembers all of his near death experiences. And best of all, like a true salesman, you get a nice $25 for your troubles. It wasn't enough to PROVE THE EXISTENCE OF THE ALMIGHTY FATHER, you also get a crisp little discount off your next purchase of a pillow which was given the same grade by the Better Business Bureau as Big Baller Brand.  I'm not much for readin' but I think my hand is being forced. It's time to learn about this crack addict turned God prover turned pillow salesman turned author.