Jerry Jones Will Be Drafting All On His Own Tonight Like A Big Boy
PFT - This year, Jones will make the Cowboys’ pick from his home, with no one else around. Which means no one will be there to physically restrain him, if it comes to that. And Jones joked that in the past, it would come to that.
“One of the things I’m not going to miss is when I came out of those draft rooms over the weekend, my old shins used to have big old bruises on them,” Jones said. “That was from Stephen kicking me under the table for three straight days relative to some of our decision-making. I know that we have a serious conference here, but I think I’m going to kind of miss that physical punching that goes on. I told him one time, I asked him where he got his strength when he was 16 years old, he had his uncle down, about to kill him, choked him. He was a big boy, that uncle. And I said, ‘I don’t feel that when I’m rasslin with you.’ He said, ‘Well, you don’t squeeze your daddy as hard as you can.’ The point is, I’m going to miss a little of that punching around at the table as we’re conducting this draft.”
Okay so right off the bat, let's get a little sidebar going here. Can we talk about that story real quick. You've got Jerry Jones' son Stephen choking the shit out of his uncle and then sending Jerry home each draft night with bruises all over from rasslin' him into submission over picks. I hate the Cowboys just as much as any other non-coward American who either didn't have a spine in the 90s or just hated their father. But I can't lie here and say I wish we don't get to see more of this family dynamic play out in real time. If we could get a Keeping Up With The Jones' reality series on TV? I'm all the way in on that.
Secondly, how many times do you think Jerry Jones is going to try to trade up to draft Johnny Manziel tonight? I'm saying the only way it's under 5 times is just if it takes Jerry a few extra minutes to learn how to turn on the computer to get into the draft in the first place. But other than that, we'll get to see full blown renegade Jerry Jones tonight and I'd imagine it is going to be glorious. The man will be completely unhinged. It'll be a reckless abandon. No more going home all busted up from his son kicking and punching him after every pick. No more rasslin' and being physically restrained from grabbing the guy he wants to get. No rules for Jerry tonight and he's looking to let loose.
Let's have ourselves a night, everybody. Finish your drink at pick 17.