I'm Pretty Sure Maury Didn't Have To Actually Pay For This "Is He The Father?" DNA Test

The family resemblance is uncanny!

I get DNA’s very complicated and sometimes random things happen because of recessive genes and…well I guess that’s really about as much as I recall from biology class and there’s still a 50% chance I screwed this up. But when you put together two portly white people, I don’t think adorable mixed race twins right out of a pamphlet about tolerance are what come out, straight up stock photo quality cute kids. You get a doughy little boy with rosy cheeks, maybe a trashy hot white trash daughter who spells her name with a K where there should be a C, or perhaps an A+ midwestern smut blogger. But not those kids. Don’t need a DNA test or Bill Nye to explain the science on that one. The fact this lady even went through the effort of going on Maury and had that cryfest afterwards…come on man, save everyone the time and energy. Have just a shade of dignity for me, ma’am.

Either way, while I respect the tolerance and how good of a guy this James is for still wanting to raise the kids, I would have preferred a little more celebration after she put him through this in the first place: