I Vote For This Guy

No clue if he's even running for anything but that shouldn't matter. As an apex predator species we have no choice but to rally around this guy as the world continues to fall apart. Never in my life have I seen such force mixed with such logic. The thing about just adding the months back to mortgages is so simple it makes you wonder why guys like Jamie Dimon get their dicks sucked for being such generational financiers. A) the word financier is such a fucking bitch word. B) get over yourselves. From the left breast name-tag it looks like this guy's name is Vito and he potentially has some Barstool JJ bloodlines. Something about that big east coast face yelling east coast things into a camera. 

How the fuck does that help you greedy cocksuckers? 

The way he says cocksucker tho... it deserves it's own spelling. It's own page in Webster's. It needs formal recognition as its own subspecies of cocksucker, a term that's seen a lot of battle of the front lines of social justice. I've identified myself as a big cocksucker guy early on just to kind of mute the conflict around me. But even so it's still a hard word to utilize in today's society and here Vito is basically redefining its phonetic integrity. Sue me for holding this as a special moment regardless of what side of the Cocksucker fence you occupy. Some things just feel better: lefty swings, authentic Mexican food, Southwest airlines and the way an older guy from New Jersey/York gets pissed off are just a few that come to mind. And obviously Vito is no exception to that list. 

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Only questions left: will he have enough votes come election day? Will you show up? Is he even running for office? Are there such things as horse socks? 

All valid. Tune in to Barstool Chicago Radio on Sirius tomorrow to find out.