I Forgive This News Anchor For Breaking My Brain With The Most Confusing Report Ever

White Sox Dave blogged this already but I wanted to add my two cents because that is the craziest emotional rollercoaster I think I have ever been on, which is saying something considering I spend my springs and summers rooting for the Mets. I threw a wig on while watching the report and this was my live reaction to it: 

I don't know if it was the half baked subtitles, the news anchor speaking in Chinese riddles with the delivery of the Literal Doctor from Arrested Development, or a combination of both.


But I truly didn't know what the hell happened to Jack Allard until I saw someone on Twitter say he was okay (which is awesome to hear and also crazy to think about Jack watching that video about his death that didn't actually happen).

I'd love to dunk on this reporter here since that's what we do on the internet to someone who fucks up. But I feel like we all are dealing with some serious quarantine brain right now. Last week I was thinking how nice it would be to pop open a cold one and take a drive on a beautiful sunny day before realizing that is HIGHLY illegal. People I work with haven't showered or changed clothes in days. And the captain of this crazy pirate ship doesn't even know what year it is anymore.

So this reporter gets a mulligan for either not being able to read off the teleprompter or just figured he was announcing yet another coronavirus death on live TV before jamming on the brakes after 90% of the report and pulling a hard U-turn. Because if you are still thinking clearly after the last month, YOU are the person I cannot trust.