Daily Mail- Police say a Pennsylvania man dropped to the ground and rolled around in dog waste to avoid being arrested for public drunkenness, but he was taken into custody anyway. Police in Wilkes-Barre tell the Times Leader officers came upon 45-year-old Maurice Franklin early Monday night after he jumped into traffic. They believed he was under the influence of drugs or alcohol. They say he slurred his words and could not stand without swaying. The incident occurred at around 5.50pm Monday in the area of Academy Street and Carey avenue. Franklin claimed he was walking erratically to avoid stepping in the dog feces on the sidewalk. But when Officer Stanley Wychock told Franklin that he was under arrest and ordered him to place his hands behind his back, Franklin avoided the dog feces no longer. Instead, police say, he lay down on the ground and began rolling in the waste. ‘The defendant then stated that officers could not arrest him because he is covered in (expletive),’ officials wrote in an account of the incident posted to the Wilkes-Barre City Police Department Information Facebook page. Franklin was taken into custody, cited, and held until he was sober, the Times Leader reports.
Hey look at that! It’s the classic Tommy Boy situation! What do you do when you’re drunk as shit and don’t want the cops to arrest you? Do something so stupid and so outrageous that they don’t even want to arrest you. For example, you could pull your car over and pretend there’s bees attacking you in hopes the cops hate bees. Or, you could roll around in dog shit in front of the cops and hope they find you so disgusting that they don’t want to touch you. From time to time I’ve talked about how some situations in movies are funny but wouldn’t be funny in real life. This is exactly that. We watch Chris Farley and David Spade pretend to get stung by bees, it’s hilarious. They get away with it and sell half a million brake pads because it’s a movie. A guy decides to roll around in dog shit to avoid being arrested in real life, it’s just stupid and it doesn’t work (okay, it’s still funny for us but not for the guy covered in poop). He just ends up as a shit-covered guy who’s going to jail. No laughs, no funny story. Just a jail cell and a memory of that time he rolled around in dog shit.