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I Have Really Bad News For The Birdbrains Who Tried To Roast Me And My Family's Secret Jambalaya Recipe

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. There is no night better than Jambalaya night at the Pressley house. Jambalaya night is when the heavy hitters come out to play. I see more of my family members on jambalaya night than I do at weddings and funerals. 

So last night, the moment the smell of creole seasoning first blessed my nostril holes, I thought, "Hey, why not spread this cheer?" Moments like smelling fresh jambalaya reinforce the fact that it's the simple pleasures in life that make it so sweet. In a seemingly dark and gloomy world, the best parts of living are still out there for the taking for all of us. That was my message. So I sent this tweet:

Simple as that. Hey, everyone... the good life is accessible to us all. Eat more jambalaya.

But as fate would have it, over years and years of being an idiot myself, I have accumulated a likeminded following of total imbeciles.

Wait, so are these people trying to say that this is NOT jambalaya? Are they saying it looks bad… are they saying they've seen better… or are they actually trying to say this is NOT jambalaya?

Because it actually seems like they are saying that THIS:

… is NOT

THIS?

These pictures are from a Getty Images search of "jambalaya." I didn't pick and choose. These were the results on the first page. Now you might notice, after taking a moment to look the photos over, they all look pretty much identical to what we're cooking up here in Asheville.

In fact, the only Getty Images result that didn't look exactly like what I ate last night was this one:

Hmmm… weird.

So I start to think, maybe this is the type of jambalaya my followers are eating. Maybe that's why they felt the urge to take time out of their evening to roast my mother's secret recipe. Maybe they've had some great jambalaya in the past and it looked just like the picture above. 

Well if you have, my birdbrained team of followers, you should know this:

That's gumbo.

Not only are you being racist against creole people for confusing the two, but you have taken your personal unfortune and spread it on others like Rudy Gobert at a post game presser. 

Despicable. It really is. 

If I was Brandon Walker, I would block you.