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Is Buying A Hot Tub A White Trash Move?

Full disclosure, those aren’t my buttcheeks. I don’t put my own asscheeks on the blog.

With it being coronavirus season, my kids have been around me CONSTANTLY. They are driving me nuts. They constantly need or want something so my wife and I barely have a moment to think, especially her. She’s resigned herself to eating cookies in the closet for a moment of peace.

 We need an escape. An escape with bubbles. An escape in the backyard. I was thinking that the escape could be a 6 person hot tub with 45 jets or more but people started saying that makes me white trash. Can you believe that?

Now, there is certainly varying degrees of hot tubs and white trash. I’m sure that I am in that vin diagram somewhere. I’m from north Florida and have a yellow truck so the odds are good. Not to mention the fact that boiled peanuts are a snacking favorite so the possibility that I’m a semi-shined up white trash quasi-success story is for sure possible some would even say likely.

But a hot tub? If I bought one, does that take me over the edge to the trailer park? I think what you drink, eat, and do in the hot tub defines its white trash core. If you fuck in a hot tub, you are white trash. If you drink more than 5 beers in one sitting before getting out, you are white trash. If you wear your normal shorts in there, you are white trash. If you bring it to a tailgate (sorry Carl), you are white trash. Finally, and this will be huge for me, if your facial hair EVER appears wet in there, you are white trash.

There is nothing trashier than wet facial hair on a dude. That’s just a fact.

I think those are the ground rules. If I can stay away from those parameters, I’ll be good. If not, my family’s history is doomed to repeat itself. Probably gonna buy one today.