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Does This Look Like The Face Of The Real King Of England Who Is An Australian Farmer?

Long live the Queen. She turns 94 today. Only problem is that she doesn't have a rightful claim to the throne. According to National Geographic and a documentary on youtube called "Britain's Real Monarch", this line of Australian farmers are the actual rightful heirs to the British crown.

(NatGeo Australia)--It may sound like the plot of an implausible Hollywood comedy, but there’s some compelling evidence to suggest a resident of Victoria should be in line for the throne.

In 2004, prominent historian Doctor Michael Jones claimed to have discovered the first evidence to substantiate rumours that Edward IV, who reigned from 1461 to 1483, was illegitimate.

The document, found in the archives of Rouen Cathedral, suggests King Edward IV’s supposed parents, Lady Cecily Neville and Richard, Duke of York, were miles apart when he was conceived, with Richard fighting the French in Paris while Lady Cecily remained in Rouen.

Long story short, Queen Elizabeth traces her lineage allllll the way back to Edward III in the 1300s. Lots and lots of generations of battles and marrying cousins and first borns and strategic alliances led all the way to present day where House Windsor sits on the throne. BUT...some shit doesn't quite add up. Like, King Edward IV's birthday. It would appear that his parents, weren't even together when he was supposedly conceived. He was off fighting the French in the 100 Years War and his mom, Cecily The Duchess Of York, was off being a trifling HOE. She supposedly fucked some French archer and nobody did the math on the birth back then and they didn't have Maury Povich so they never found out, but there's strong evidence to suggest that Edward IV was a bastard thus making his entire line of decendents for the next 600 years illegitimate. 

So in order to follow the rules of British succession you have to go WAY over to this other branch of the family tree to find a legitimate heir that can trace their heritage back to Edward III and it's this fucking guy in Australia

The 15th Earl of Loudoun. Some dude who's dad spent his entire life trying make drought resistant rice. "15th Earl Of Loudoun" still sounds kind of important and dignified, but Simon Abney-Hastins's net worth estimates per google are between $100k and $1M. He's doing okay, but he's not splurging on bottle service every weekend. Certainly doesn't have access to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle funds. Just a normal ass dude living his life in Victoria, Australia when in reality he's the real King of England. A real life Jon Snow finding out he's Aegon Targaryan

And just like Jon Snow, this guy doesn't want the crown

 “I have always known about this – I have lived it. It does make you think about how things could be different. I am quite happy with how things have turned out. I have made my own life.”--Simon Abney-Hastings, 15th Earl of Loudoun.