You don't need a ton of backstory to appreciate this, but here's a quick rundown. We are setting the table for our nightly family dinner. Chili is on the menu. Under normal circumstance, missing a family dinner would be a huge no-no. However, we've had around 50 in a row now, so the attendance policy is not quite as strict. It's the only time I get out of the basement all day, so I show up every night. Everyone else has been seeing each other throughout the day, so if they really want to miss, they can miss (but they will pay the price in passive-agression).
You also need to know that the floor plan is open. The kitchen, kitchen table, and living room are all inside one big room. So as we stand around the table ready to eat, we can all see my dad in his recliner still watching CNBC. He looks very comfortable.
Mom (passive-aggression is starting to kick in): So you're not eating with us?
Dad (defensive): I didn't say that.
Mom (surprised, but pleased): Oh. So you are eating with us?
Dad: I didn't say that either.
Mom (now frustrated): Are you eating dinner or not?
Dad: Well, if you keep putting words in my mouth, I'll be full!
And that's it. Absolute posterization. My mom wasn't even mad. She couldn't be. The execution was just too perfect.
Anyway, this exchange is all I've been able to think about today, so I thought I'd share. It gives me hope for humanity.