We've Got a Regular Ol' Murder Mystery at Crufts, The World's Largest Dog Show

DailyMail – A second dog is reported to have died after appearing at Crufts, amid fears that at least six of the animals were deliberately poisoned at the world famous show. The shih tzu is believed to have died over the weekend, just hours after the ‘murder’ of Irish setter Jagger. The three-year-old died on Friday after eating meat which his owners say was laced with poison. Today, Jagger’s bereft co-owners are preparing to cremate the prize-winning dog at his rural home in Belgium, before scattering his ashes across a field where he used to love walking. It comes as the show’s organisers, the Kennel Club, warned that anyone found putting the dogs’ lives at risk could be prosecuted – a crime which can lead to 51 weeks in jail or a £20,000 fine.

The group last night said it was investigating claims that six dogs – including two Shetland sheepdogs, an Afghan hound and a West Highland terrier – were targetted, raising the possibility that one or more poisoners was at work during the four-day competition. Meanwhile, a shih tzu judge today told how there had been previous allegations of dog poisoning, but that the claims had always been ‘very difficult to prove’.  Victoria Grugan told The Daily Telegraph: ‘Over the years, you do get the occasional (dog poisoning) but it’s always alleged, it’s never been categorically proven, it is very difficult to prove.’ Jagger, who show name was Thendara Satisfaction, died at co-owners Aleksandra and Willem Lauwers’ home in Tongeren, Belgium, on Friday, the day after he came second in his class.

His owners described his death as a murder and told how the vet who carried out tests on Jagger believed he could have been fed up to two or three poisons, including slug killer. The toxicology tests, which are due to determine whether or not Jagger was poisoned, are being carried out at the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine at Ghent University and are expected to be published next week. In the meantime, Mr and Ms Lauwers and their distraught nine-year-old son Jeremy will say goodbye to their beloved pet at a private cremation service near their home. Ms Lauwers said: ‘We will hold a little memorial service with my husband and son to say goodbye. ‘We will then scatter his ashes over the fields and woods by our house where he used to love going for a walk.’

This is the type of shit Scooby Doo needed to be solving. Someone needed to tell him to put down the bong and get of his fat Scooby Snack packed haunches and solve a mystery that mattered for once. Scoob and the gang were always solving some insurance fraud scheme at an amusement park. Or unmasking some dude pretending to be a pirate ghost just so he can keep looking for sunken treasure. Well guess what, Scoobs? Enough with all the white collar, human crime bullshit. The best looking bunch of your species are out there getting murdered at the second most prestigious dog show on the planet. Call the Harlem Globtrotters! Get Josie and the Pussycats on the horn! All hands on deck because there’s a dog killer on the loose and we shouldn’t stop until he or she is found and trapped in some elaborate rube goldberg that hilariously misfires.

Seriously though, the people who run that dog show seem pretty cavalier about never being able to prove that everybody’s poisoning each other’s dogs at this thing. How about you get some eyes on the floor and watch out for the dog murderers that are apparently at your competition every year? If Miss California was found with a salad wrap stuffed with rat poison after the Miss America pageant, I guarantee they’d up security a little the next year. Not to mention that the penalty for murdering a dog seems wildly lenient, doesn’t it? Max 1 year in jail for intentional doggy homicide seems like a pretty weak sentence. You can get a year in jail for driving on a suspended license. I’d say feeding pooches slug poison warrants bringing back tarring and feathering.

P.S. Although no one should be resting until the murderous bastard(s) who killed these pups are found, I’d be remiss if we didn’t all bow our heads and take a moment to honor Jagger. He was the first victim of what I’m calling the Butcher at Crufts

Cue the music

In loving memory of Jagger. We hardly knew you

Jagger. He’s floating with angels now, but he floated like one when he was competing