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People Are So Horny In Quarantine That Doctors Are Giving Advice On How To Have Sex With Household Items

Source - Online searches for homemade sex toys have swelled since society has closed its doors, reports the Mirror. According to research done by online marketplace OnBuy, there were over 23,000 Google searches for homemade sex toys across UK cities last month.

These stats don’t surprise Dr. Lauren Streicher, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine and author of “Sex Rx: Hormones, Health, and Your Best Sex Ever.” She says social distancing lends itself to masturbation, but with everything shut down and family members at home, people might be wary of ordering toys in the mail.

“The safest sex is masturbation, period,” Streicher tells The Post. “And since the beginning of time, people have used things around the house to self-stimulate. 

 Streicher says there should be no shame, but she has some helpful tips if you’re looking to convert household objects into orgasm makers. She says some of the most common objects used are cucumbers, electric toothbrushes and candles.

Did you hear that, fellas? There is NO SHAME in having sex with household items. I repeat, zero shame. So next time you're horny just grab a cucumber or an electric toothbrush and rub it all over your dick until you cum. I can't believe I never thought of that...

*Record Scratches* 

*Music stops*

“If you are looking for a dildo and not a vibrator, and you want to put something in your vagina, make sure there are no sharp edges on the object,” says Streicher.

“Consider putting a condom on it. Not because it needs to be sterile, because we know penises are hardly clean. It’s so if something breaks, you don’t have to go fishing for it. If something is on the short side, it may get lost and if a piece of fruit breaks off, it might be acidic.”

As for the electric toothbrush vibrator, the doctor advises putting a cotton covering like a T-shirt or a cloth over the bristles so it doesn’t irritate the clitoris.

Safety while getting off is key right now, considering a trip to the emergency room is dangerous amid the pandemic.

Ah. Not exactly the turn I was expecting this to take, but we'll roll with it for the sake of the blog. Besides, Dr. Lauren Streicher's work in this pandemic is just as important as anyone else's. People still need to A) get off, and B) do it without getting a cucumber stuck inside them. We can't afford to have masturbation accidents clogging up our ER's and her timely advice will ensure that doesn't happen. 

So thanks, Doc. Appreciate it. Take it away Marvin!