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A Man In India Reportedly Chopped His Tongue Off To Appease A Goddess In Order To Stop Coronavirus From Spreading Any Further

NY Post- A 24-year-old stone cutter in India chopped off his tongue in an apparent attempt to appease a goddess and stop the spread of the coronavirus, according to reports. Vivek Sharma, who worked with his brother Shivam and seven others at the Bhavani Mata temple in Suigam, became alarmed about the deadly disease, according to the Times of India.

His co-worker Brijesh Singh Saab Singh told authorities that Sharma, a devotee of Kali Mata, had kept chanting the deity’s name. On Saturday morning, Sharma said he was going to the market, but did not return to the temple, the news outlet reported. When his brother called him, a person answered and told him that Sharma had sliced off his tongue at the Nadeshwari temple in Gujarat. The young man was rushed to a hospital in Tharad, where doctors worked to reattach his tongue, which was found in his hand as he lay unconscious on Sunday.

Blogger's Note: As with any outrageous story coming out of India, you believe half of what you read, blog all of what you hear

MVP! MVP! MVP!!! Until someone finds a cure for COVID-19 or figures out a way to bring sports back into our lives, I am giving our pal Vivek the number 1 spot on the civilian power rankings in the battle against coronavirus (Obviously anybody who works at a medical job where they are battling that fuckface disease is number 1 on the overall power rankings followed by people that have to work at jobs in public where they could get sick and people making booze or snacks during quarantine). 

While we are all sitting on our couches complaining that we have to sit on our couches, Vivek is out here trying to make things actually happen with the Powers That Be upstairs with an incredible Hail Mary attempt to save humanity in an instant using some God magic. True Tony Stark shit.

 Okay, Tony Stark may be a little extreme but I personally have the tongue as a Tier 3 body part to lose. Tier 1 is clearly critical organs that keep us moving like the brain or heart, followed by Tier 2 which is pretty damn essential organs like kidney along with fingers and eyes. But losing your tongue is BRUTAL considering every food instantly becomes tasteless, french kissing is off the table for good, speaking is pretty much impossible, and becoming orally challenged for good. Meanwhile, how many of us have even sat in the lucky seat of our aforementioned couches to see if that fixed everything? My point exactly.

However, while I hate to be critical of Big V, he clearly didn't think this all out. Because since the tongue is clearly a Tier 3 body part, there was a better than good chance he would become tongueless without the world becoming coronaless, which would then result in him getting carried to the hospital by a bunch of people not wearing masks or observing social distancing, thus potentially spreading coronavirus to even more people.

*Thinks about it for a second*

You know what? I am officially rescinding my MVP vote for Vivek Sharma. But get well Big V and good job, good effort!