Surgeon Says He's Planning The First-Ever Human Head Transplant, And What Will He Re-Attach The Heads With? Glue

Metro- Doctors believe they will be able to perform a head transplant within two years. No, this isn’t April Fool’s Day come early (it’s still February), it’s an Italian surgeon who says he thinks he can carry out the procedure to give people a new, healthy body. It could help patients with spinal cord injuries, muscle-wasting diseases, or people whose bodies are riddled with cancer. Dr Sergio Canavero says techniques are out there, they just need to be put together, according to the Daily Mail. The procedure would involve two patients – someone who is brain dead, and one of the above mentioned patients. Their heads would then be removed and the healthy head would go on the healthy body with the spinal cords being fused by a glue. Once it’s all stitched up, the patient would be put in a coma for four weeks to stop their head falling off. He is going to announce plans at a conference later this year and, if he gets backing, the first operation will take place in 2017.

I don’t know, man.  That doesn’t seem very scientific.  Well, the part about slicing off people’s heads and being able to re-attach them sounds super scientific.  Like we’re living in  sci-fi movie or something.  It’s the part where we get to actually re-attaching the heads and the surgeon says, “Alright let’s break out the glue!” that doesn’t seem scientific at all.  That sounds like an answer I’d get from my little nephew if I asked him how he’d go about re-attaching a human head to a human body.  He’d think about it for three seconds and then scream, “Glue!”  And that’s the answer I’d expect out of him.  Because he’s a small child.  It’s not the answer I’d expect from a professional surgeon who’s trying to do this for the first time ever.  I want to hear about nerves and bones and atoms and anything else scientific that sounds like it could pass as somebody saying something smart.  I’m not sure plopping a tray full of knives and a tub of Elmer’s next to an operating table is gonna get people rushing to volunteer for this procedure.  Even the people with super horrific diseases that could be saved by such a procedure will be like, “Nope, I’m good.  My life isn’t great but it’s better than not having head”  I appreciate the vision behind this but back to the drawing board.

PS- How violent was your elementary school flash back when you saw that bottle of Elmer’s glue?  Good luck to all the kids out there trying to keep that orange cap unclogged.  It’s IMPOSSIBLE.