You ever been so drunk you broke into a funeral home, took off your clothes and left brewskis in the caskets all while on a misguided mission to talk to your significant other who is still very much alive? Same here. Tuesday nights, man.. ha ha.
It's also a hot move by Mr. Ethan Palazzo of Collingswood, NJ... According to the Citizens Voice:
Palazzo, who smelled of alcohol, told police he did not have a reason for breaking in [to Old Forge funeral home], then said he just wanted to speak with his girlfriend, according to the complaint.
He was nude when he was arrested.
Police said he stripped naked inside the funeral home and left his clothing on the floor of the morgue and office. He also appeared to have rifled through the closet containing the morgue’s chemicals, though it was not clear if he took anything.
Police found a cold bottle of beer inside one of the display caskets.
Police also believe Palazzo rummaged through a car parked outside and left behind an open can of Natural Ice beer in the center console.
Alright, I'll admit - I've never actually drunkenly broken into a funeral home - but my Irish Exits have taken me on random journeys. Once I 'came to' in a Sheetz with a bunch of Cadbury eggs up my sleeves (I did not make it out of the store, and when they took my eggs away a witness says I sat outside under the sign and cried), another time I was climbing up a patio lattice in the alley behind a bar because the bouncer wouldn't let me in at the front steps (RIP Joclyn's in Media, PA), and sometimes it's just looking at your phone the next morning and wondering how the hell you racked up 40,000 steps between 1 - 4am. Healthy life choices.
Given, that was in my younger, pre-military days. Lately the only place I could possibly wind up is on the other side of my apartment. Slightly less exciting. Hopefully Palazzo keeps it within that range from now on, too.