(Apologies for the auto-tune. I think I need a new phone.)
I had to run up to the credit union earlier (credit unions over banks all day). When I exited, I was a tad surprised to see a wild turkey at the corner of B and West Broadway. I'd understand if it was a block down at Shea's---the Wild Turkey is expected there. This wasn't the first time I'd seen a turkey in Southie but it was the first time I'd gotten this up and close with one. So naturally, I pulled out my phone and got my David Attenborough on.
It seemed more curious than frightened and I didn't want to scare or provoke the bugger. It was lunchtime so I think it was just out looking for a bite. When I saw it step off the curb, the last thing I wanted to see was for it to get creamed by a car or truck. So I played crossing guard since the first time since fourth grade. I stepped into the street and slowed down traffic so the bird could make it safely to the other side.
Part of me wanted to follow him for a bit, just to see where a city turkey goes during the day. Another part of me wanted to keep talking with the chap who engaged me at the end. Well-dresed and neat, he implied that he has seen Some Shit© since Q'tine started and gave me that wide-eyed look you give when conveying that you've seen things. He mentioned something about deer but I don't think that's the crux of what he was talking about. Shit. Now I wish I stayed to pick his brain. Alas, work and errands beckoned and my wild turkey adventure came to an end.
The funniest part of the whole thing? The guy on Twitter who tagged my co-worker Ryan Whitney in the replies like a little rat (he has since deleted the snitch-tweet).
You serious, bro? Piss off for being a tattle-tale bitch. I'm allowed to go to the credit union---that's why it's fucking open. Also why the hell are you tagging Whit? He doesn't give a fuck.
It's probably the same answer as every other time a dude gets called out for a limp-dick Tweet: I WAS JOKING!
Yeah, except jokes are funny.
(Seriously though, Twitter does need a #SarcasmFontNow.)